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Tory Masterplan revealed: how the Conservatives will lose but also win the next election

Following the defection of Conservative MP Dan Poluter to Labour by simply crossing the floor, it has been revealed how the current government will survive annihilation.

'You see, Labour and the Liberal Democrats are naive and very dim,' nansplained forgotten right-wing strategist, Cominic Dummings, dimly and naively letting the fatcat out of the bag. 'They won't see it coming.

'All Conservative MPs have to do is jump ship to whichever party is likely to win their constituency. Then, having retained their seat, they all merely renege on their renege and recross the floor back to the Con Party to reform a majority.'

When asked if that bonkers notion was fundamentally undemocratic, fraudulent, and would leave UK government in a strangulated inoperative state with a majority opposition, Dummings snorted, 'Good Lord, you haven't learnt anything, have you?

'It's not about running Britain well or a patriotic love for the nation. Conservatism is all about personal gain whatever the cost to everyone else and the country. It's a miracle they don't scratch each other's eyes out whenever there's another Tory leadership campaign. And there's plenty more on the horizon because they all want their own crack. Especially that Gove.'

Hat-tip: apepper

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