Westminster man denies being Boris Johnson
A somewhat portly Westminster resident with a shock of unkempt blond hair has strongly denied being Boris Johnson today.
Speaking to reporters at the gates of Downing Street the man said: 'I am not Boris Johnson. No, no, no. Not a bit of it. Boris Johnson, moi? Erm... wait a minute, yes, that's it, Ha ha. Brilliant. I am in fact PPE salesman, Wayne Potter. I always have been and I am glad of this opportunity to clear the air at long last.
'Gosh, it feels good to get that out there. I think this Johnson fella is toxic. His behaviour is appalling. He lies at the drop of a hat, has no honour whatsoever, and as for his integrity? It's non-existent. He's an absolute chancer.
'I'm only sorry that I seem to be a bit of a doppelganger. The dead spit, if you will. Well, I am not he. Honestly, you'd scarcely believe the grief this mix-up has cost me in recent months. It's has been harrowing. "What you leave behind is not what is engraved in stone monuments, but what is woven into the lives of others," as my Ancient Greek tutor might have put it. Eh, what?
'Right then, OK, so got that everyone? I'm not Boris Johnson. Definitely not. I must dash now as I have to speak to some old doddery chap who lives in a big house in Washington about the impending war... I mean a PPE deal. Toodle-ooh.'