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Zoom staff can't remember where they left their office

Although Zoom has ordered their team to stop working remotely, no one is entirely sure where their main office is or if they had one in the first place. Said one employee: 'I think it had windows and a roof, but other than that I'm flummoxed. Do we have to wear trousers for this? I've been naked from the waist down for three years.'

There is also a concern that staff will try to mute each other face-to-face or think they are invisible, just because their camera is off. Instead of recording meetings, people will be expected to form actual memories and everyone will have to wash their whole body, not just their face.

Explained one executive: 'It's possible that one of our houses is actually our main headquarters - the only way to tell is if all your family look like office stationery. Once we find it, we'll be back to meaningful human interactions - which sounds ghastly.'

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