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SchoolBiscuit

Boom in meth labs blamed on unsuccessful teachers’ strike

A sharp rise in the production of the highly addictive stimulant crystal methamphetamine on the UK’s streets has been directly blamed on last week’s national teachers’ strike today, which unions deemed largely unsuccessful.

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Superhero training school to be given academy status

to Peckham, and beyond...!The Department for Education has decided to give academy status to a newly established school that will turn out the British superheroes of the future.

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Michael Gove unveils revisionist history syllabus featuring “World War Fun!”

Your country needs ME!Education Secretary Michael Gove has announced changes to the history GCSE syllabus that will reflect ‘a more accurate and balanced’ view of World War One as a bit of jolly fun instead of a four-year cataclysmic bloodbath that drained the nation’s power and prestige and caused untold mental and physical suffering to millions.

The traditional view of the so-called ‘Great War’ as four years of futile barbaric slaughter is wrong, says Gove. ‘Historicans and commentators have long been calling for a “debunking” of wartime myths,’ he insisted. ‘At least, the ones I’ve been paying to advise me have. And that’s enough.’

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Hogwarts becomes second free school closed in a week

A school for wizards has become the second free school to be closed down in a week. Hogwarts, a publicly funded but independently run free school, was ordered to close after Ofsted inspectors found live animals running free, students experimenting with dangerous plants, bullying at an unacceptable level, ghosts being used as teaching assistants without any CRB checks and students playing the game Quidditch without the appropriate safety equipment.

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50′s stereotypes welcome reintroduction of Common Entrance Exam

so much better then1950’s stereotypes everywhere have given a ringing endorsement to Education Secretary Michael Gove’s plans to extend the Common Entrance Exam to state schools in an attempt to disabuse “uppity oiks” of any misguided aspirations towards higher education they may have been allowed to foster.

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