‘It all started with the Romans’, said Professor Tim Williams of the University of Central England, itself also an elaborate hoax. ‘They thought it would be funny to speak gibberish to the locals when they first came here. Being an isolated population, the myth took hold better than expected and it’s been maintained ever since.
The Department for Education has questioned the profitability of using teachers as student ‘pin cushions’, when Academies and unqualified staff can offer much better value for money. As West Yorkshire experiences its second stabbing incident by a pupil in as many years, Ministers have proposed that staff be replaced with un-unionised piñatas.
Children as young as five will now be given compulsory lectures on their teachers’ domestic hell as Divorce Education is made compulsory in primary schools. The move comes amid fears children are accessing material such as Don’t Tell the Bride and One Born Every Minute, as well as websites depicting couples in healthy loving relationships, and getting a skewed impression of what marriage is really like.
New analysis shows that, because of rising demand from Middle Eastern oil barons, Russian political exiles and South American drug lords, school fees have, on average, trebled in the past thirty years; pricing out all but the richest from access to top rated schools.