A crafty badger has today admitted to circulating a misleading and factually incorrect story about ‘man-eating death spiders’, in a desperate bid to lead the publics’ attention away from the mass badger cull that shot into action back in August.
Arthur Heffer, BBC agricultural liaison executive, explained: ‘Without the scrutiny of a qualified agricultural advisor, it would be sheer madness to let a script go into production.’
With the cost of policing protests at its test drilling site in Sussex spiralling out of control, energy firm Cuadrilla has decided to try Plan B. Starting next week, it will begin fracking for oil and gas in an equally large and equally immobile site, the Communities and Local Government Secretary Eric Pickles. There are some major logistical challenges to overcome, the firm admitted.
Environment Secretary Owen Paterson has announced a widespread rewriting of all literary works that contain favourable references to badgers in an attempt to persuade the public that badgers should be shot after all.