GreenBiscuit
Rupert the Bear has today been sedated by armed police and transferred to a secure pen after brutally killing a Nutwood farmer who tried to shoot the bear’s close pal, Bill Badger, as part of Government plans to cull badger populations and contain the spread of bovine TB.
After the MET Office announcement that August was the wettest for 100 years, Thames Water has declared a ’compulsory hosepipe use’. The moves comes just weeks after lifting a hosepipe ban that was enforced as a result of the wettest drought since records began.
Staff at the Galapagos national park have been astounded by the overnight appearance of over 300 female Pinta giant tortoises, many of which were previously assumed to be rocks.
The Coalition Government has hailed the country’s first ever ‘whinge-farm’ a huge success.
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‘Previous attempts at carbon-neutral sea-life have had poor battery lives. But a fully-charged a hybrid shark would be able to travel up to 800km before needing to chomp on a surfer’s leg.’
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