NewsBiscuit

The news before it happens…

GreenBiscuit

Captive breeding programme established to halt decline of ginger gene

simply redConservation scientists across the country have been put on red alert in response to a Wikipedia entry that claims the ginger gene is in serious decline across the UK. The website’s assertions that gingers have been included on the most recent IUCN Red List of Threatened Species has led to a number of zoos setting up captive breeding programmes to reverse the decline. London Zoo will spearhead efforts after playing a key role in the successful breeding programmes and subsequent reintroduction of orangutans, red pandas and Eskimos.

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Scotland to gift two ‘NEDS’ to China in return for pandas

Scottish First Minister Alex Salmond today signed an historic agreement to send two giant Scottish neds (non-educated delinquents) to the People’s Republic of China.

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Tense UN climate talks reach agreement on next venue

talks went on until long after the bar had opened‘We were aware that we had a grave responsibility to act now and protect future generations of UN delegates from catastrophic summit venues.’

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Whale gives birth listening to CD of humans shouting at each other


‘We’d tried the sound of gently lapping waves, birdsong and Beethoven’s Pastoral Symphony and none of it was helping the mother whale in the slightest.’

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Kray twins to be reintroduced into the wild

a return to the good old days‘The locals are always saying how things were better when the Krays were in charge, well now we have an opportunity to test that theory.’

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