NewsBiscuit

The news before it happens…

GreenBiscuit

Tense UN climate talks reach agreement on next venue

talks went on until long after the bar had opened‘We were aware that we had a grave responsibility to act now and protect future generations of UN delegates from catastrophic summit venues.’

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Whale gives birth listening to CD of humans shouting at each other


‘We’d tried the sound of gently lapping waves, birdsong and Beethoven’s Pastoral Symphony and none of it was helping the mother whale in the slightest.’

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Kray twins to be reintroduced into the wild

a return to the good old days‘The locals are always saying how things were better when the Krays were in charge, well now we have an opportunity to test that theory.’

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Reliance on solar power could lead to wars over sunlight, warns expert

As Britain and other industrialised nations become increasingly hooked on solar energy, our reliance on the sun could see the country sucked into unwinnable wars, and sleepwalking into the dark ages, claimed controversial author Tony Harrington at the launch of his new book, ‘The Nights are Drawing In’.

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Massive Oil of Olay slick causing fresher, younger-looking fish

ultra regeneroic acido vitocolics exactly what the fish have lacked since the very dawn of timeA freighter carrying a shipment of Oil of Olay regenerating cream has run-aground off the coast of eastern Sicily, leaking thousands of litres of the amino-peptide laden moisturiser into the sea.

An Oil of Olay spokesman said ‘We are working hard with the local authorities to clear up the spill, however on the plus side, the local marine inhabitants are looking better than ever, especially in the hard to reach areas around the eyes, gills and behind the fins.’

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