US President Donald Trump has given the go-ahead for the Artemis II rocket to be fired at buildings in the centre of Tehran thought to be harbouring high ranking Iranian officials. Trump posted a message on Truth Social late last night denying the rocket was ever sent on a space-flight mission to orbit the moon and was actually packed with high-explosive unitary warheads aimed at levelling the Iranian capital. Astronauts on Artemis II had earlier raised concerns about a probl

Nasa has conceded that their latest spacecraft is unable to go where the Apollo missions went, which is a soundstage somewhere in the Nevada desert. Said one scientist, 'We conveniently lost all the original data, alongside who shot JFK. This means we cannot replicate the fake flag and questionable photography, instead we are forced to actually visit the Moon-which is the one thing the aliens asked us not to do.” Fifty years since the original fake landing, we now forced to p

Following scandals over candidates doing Nazi salutes or saying the victims of the Grenfell fire “would have died anyway”, Reform have decided they need to find candidates who “are a bit less Reformy”. The strategy was outlined by party chairman Lee Anderthal, who before he went into politics specialised in making stone tools and flint arrowheads. “The trouble is, we seem to only attract people who are a bit dim and hopeless. Who just have a vague, self-pitying dislike of the

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The Russian Federation has lodged a formal complaint about Ukraine following a series of 'unforgivable' offensive actions by 'rogue Ukrainians', or 'defenders' as they prefer to be called. 'We are supposed to be the aggressors,' said a Russian spokesman. 'But they attack our tanks, our soldiers and now they fly into Russia and attack us. It's so unfair,' he added. Ukrainian defence experts have acknowledged that they were billed as defenders and as such, should be increme

Donald Trump has announced that US Forces have captured the Easter Bunny at an unknown location and transported him to New York, for trial. The Easter Bunny stands accused of un-American acts. These acts include Going against government initiatives to Make America Healthy Again and are related to the unauthorised and unregulated distribution of foodstuffs, notably chocolate Promotion of food products containing ingredients not grown in America, including cocoa Unauthorised d

"HickTok is the social media platform for the President's most fervent, pig ignorant supporters," said a spokes-chatbot for Trump Enterprises. "These are the millions of American rubes, redneck and hayseeds who've pledged their votes to him for 2028, despite not knowing what year it is now or even what a vote is. "Because these people - if you can call them that - are functionally illiterate and proud of it, HickTok will show them clips of Trump dad-dancing to YMCA, launching

After years of anticipation, football World Cup tickets have at last gone on sale. Seats at the final are now available for all fans who have completed the official assault course, proved the Riemann hypothesis, and pledged 10% of gross earnings for the next 25 years. Succeeding at these tasks gets you through to the 7 hour wait on a telephone, before the actual price is revealed to you - and the location of the disused warehouse where you go to deposit your cash and pick up

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Having abandoned abandoning conversion therapy in the UK, the government aims to convert conversion therapy into Tory conversion therapy. The magic money tree will be shaken hard enough to allow the programme to roll out immediately and nationwide, especially in marginal constituencies. Tory strategist Clementine Carruthers said: ‘When you are responsible for as much sleaze, unnecessary suffering and death as we are, how else do you ensure a Conservative landslide at a genera

"I sucker punched Iran by attacking it while it thought we were in negotiations, I killed over 100 kids with a Tomahawk missile and blamed it on the other side and I've let my underlings make millions through advanced knowledge of my announcements about the war," said Donald Trump at a World Wrestling Federation press conference, dressed nauseatingly in a gold sequined leotard. "Now my conscience, whatever it's been hiding, wants to wrestle with me about all that. "When I'm f

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