With the news that showjumping is to be removed as an event from the Modern Pentathlon, is it time for a total overhaul of the event to...

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Multiple prisoners walked out of HMP Wandsworth yesterday after a Monopoly Set was dropped by Chance from a passing delivery drone. Several prisoners used the “Get out of Jail Free” cards on a confused and overwhelmed Parole Board. Two more rolled doubles and ended up going free, one with bonus Free Parking, amazing in itself in that area of London.

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November 2024 November 2024 was a decisive month. Things happened. In the UK, Rachel Reeves delivered her first budget and whacked up taxes on businesses and whacked up taxes on dead farmers. In the US of A, the voters elected a whacked up President, leaving all the pollsters wondering how they’d got it so wrong. The Conservatives elected Kemi Badenoch as leader; she immediately went into hiding and hasn’t been seen since. Manchester United appointed Ruben Amorim as manager.

A survey published today shows that over 72% of the Nation’s migratory birds have either considered just not coming back or have enacted plans to remain abroad. “We spoke to over 3000 birds over the last 2 years”, Dr Gerald Brearly told us, “both here in the UK and abroad in their migratory destinations. We were quite taken aback by the sheer number of British birds that have either settled or already decided to stay in Southern Africa and South America.” Newsbiscuit travelle

A man has successfully substituted his entire personality for an obsession with Madri. The popular beer has been the drink of choice for...

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Reform UK Ltd. will now be formed into individual cells where each Reform member is only associated with two others. Thereby if one member is doing something “ a bit naughty” or “ treasonous” then all knowledge of their existence can be happily denied by the rest of the organisation. Lee Anderson might form a cell on his own because of that smirk he does every time he farts.

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Ministers are recommending that students now study things they will never have, like jobs, affordable health care and the abstract concept of hope. Originally mortgage management was to be part of the maths curriculum, but it now sits in English Literature alongside other works of fiction.

As schools struggle to fund staffing, appropriate facilities and resources for the increasing numbers of SEN children in mainstream schools, the Education Secretary has unveiled her latest sensible, well thought out and definitely non discriminatory idea to educationalists.