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A psychotherapist who studied footage of both Trump’s birthday parade and the No Kings protests, which took place all over Yankeeland, has told Newsbiscuit he fears for the morale of the US military.


“The difference between the joy, or lack of, on the participants’ faces was striking” he said. “The No Kings protesters were clearly having a ball, whereas those taking part in the military parade looked sullen, with no spring in their step. They reminded me of the way I felt when my wife dragged me on a shopping exhibition in Oxford Street to buy a new frock. I watched Full Metal Jacket when it came out; and saw cheerier faces on the troops being abused by the drill sergeant than on those poor bastards, dragging their feet along the parade route.”


A Newsbiscuit journalist commented “Even the guardsmen attending King Charles Birthday Trooping the Colour extravaganza didn’t look disappointed at being told it wasn’t really his birthday, and they wouldn’t get jelly and ice cream when the marching was over.”


A spokesfreak from the San Francisco chapter of the No Kings protests told us, “Peace is wild, man” as he gathered flowers to wear in his hair.



image from pixabay


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Or how to pronounce it. In fact, given only 23% can find it on a map, chances are it will be Israel or Belguim that gets bombed.


Explained a four-star General: 'We know roughly where it is. It's near oil, their women dress like ghosts and they do the squiggly writing. It's definitely not Iraq, as we did those guys.'


US missiles will have an inbuilt sat nav and the Where's Wally Book of Fake Nukes. The major concern is that if they commit troops, then they will get buried in sand, along with their car keys. 'I have every confidence we will find it - it's next to Canada, right?'


image from pixabay



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