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Djokovic is seen clicking his heels together & repeatedly saying 'There's no place like home'



Walking in the Media Blizzard of Oz, the embattled tennis player has become the poster boy for anti-vaccination – which makes a change from that Athena tennis girl scratching her butt.



A Judge has ruled whether he should have been in or out of the country, although it is still be referred to a Line Judge. In the meantime, Novak Djokovi will play in the Australian Open, while Covid will be left to play around in the crowd.



His assistant said: ‘We're not in Kansas anymore – although in Kansas they’d still insist on a vaccination’.





No hypocrisy in helping fellow rich arsehole, spokesperson for Farage says



A spokesperson for anti-immigration, pro-sovereignty politician Nigel Farage has said that his recent whirlwind visit to support Serbian tennis star Novak Djokovic in his battle with Australian immigration was not hypocritical, but consistent with Farage's fundamental belief in the right of very rich people to do whatever they liked, regardless of the law or public health.


When an entitled arsehole is in trouble, Mr Farage will fly to the rescue" said a spokesperson. "First class of course".


Mr Farage has released a video of him meeting Mr Djokovic and his brother. Novak smiles, while his brother is thought to be heard saying in Serbian "So this guy's an immigration lawyer is he? He's got government connections? How da f@ck is he going to help us then?"


Following a sarcastic comment from Andy Murray about the politician being better known for "trying to get Eastern Europeans deported", Farage is thought to have been heard saying he will support Novak if he plays "that Scottish tennis player". Farage was expected to enter the Australian Open himself - the veteran's competition of course - but had to withdraw after recently straining his back jumping on a bandwagon.





Drinkers furious over shortage of lager flow tests

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It's gone too far now,' observed 17-stone Rob Franks, a hotel front of house manager from Romford.


'I like to sink a few pints of Lidl Premium Pils with my mates after dealing with a very demanding clientele all day. Now the idiots who run the NHS have run out of test kits. I mean, how do I keep an eye on how many I've had? It's out of order. I can understand them running out of non-essential bits and bobs like PCR tests, but lager flow tests? It's utterly bonkers.'


Rob's girlfriend, Tarquina agreed. 'As Rob said, he likes a pint, but not having any lager flow tests so he can keep an eye on his pintage consumption is just completely irresponsible of the government. Let's be honest, we all know there's a fine line between drinking responsibly and punching someone in the face for asking you to keep it down a bit.'





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