The government has categorically denied that it’s one rule for them and another rule for everyone else.
'On the contrary,' said a spokesperson today, 'It’s one rule for us and literally millions of rules for everyone else. Definitely way more than one.'
According to government insiders, the one rule for them is:
'Do what you like and don’t get caught.'
Ministers agree that this is a simple, easy to follow, rule. It cuts down on internal bureaucracy, lets government get on with its business and, indeed, pleasure, unsupervised.
The myriad of rules for us include:
‘No sneezing without a hat’
‘No parties until we tell you’
‘Don’t ask stupid questions’
‘No cheese after 5pm on a Thursday, unless accompanied by a vicar.’ (This only applies in Berkshire)
‘No hairstyle jokes’
‘No bathing’
‘No dogs on skateboards’
For our convenience the government has collected these rules into a handy-sized booklets called ‘statutes’. There is a copy in the house of commons library but no one has read them because they don’t need to.
