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An open letter from the Conservative Party to Mr Jeremy Corbyn

Mr Corbyn,

We here at CCHQ would like to acknowledge our delight in you not only looking at standing again at the forthcoming General Election but also forming an alternative left-wing political party to provide left-wing voters a choice of left-wing parties to vote for.  We in the Conservative Party believe in voters having choice, apart from those lunatics at Reform UK - you can fuck right off Tice* - and above all we respect conviction politicians - the sheer number of Conservative MPs that have been convicted in recent years should reinforce that point!

We appreciate starting a new political party can be a pretty time-consuming and personnel-intensive effort, so we would love to help you out with secretarial support, stationery supplies and office space should you need it.  Whatever your needs, just ask and we can find a donor ready to help our your cause. 

We look forward to chewing the fat on the hustings with yourself and your fellow delegates.

*and Farage, unless you reconsider our offer to lead us into the next General Election.  Just say the word and we can have you in the top job next Tuesday, Thursday latest


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