The Prime Minister took some time out today to urge the electorate to consider completing the 'Tory Sh!tshow' boxset by voting for them in the upcoming, much delayed, General Election.
'Every season we like to end on a cliff hanger. Will the people vote to "get Brexit done", or will they act rationally? Will the person in charge of the winning party at the start of the season be replaced once, twice or thrice during the season? Is a fourth replacement possible?
'Will the Tories destroy the NHS, or will it struggle on for another season? Again? Ditto UK manufacturing, armed forces, teaching?
'Will we find billions under the Treasury couch to bung to our friends, again? Who knows?
'In fact, if you don't vote for the Tories to be in charge of the next season you might never know what we are going to wreck. Spoiler alert - it's everything.
'It's a dangerous world out there - way more dangerous than 14 years ago and why do you think that is? eh?
'And who is best placed to ensure we die in a death spiral - not Labour, that's for sure,' said the Prime Minister to a crowded room of sleeping journalists. He knew they hadn't listened to a word and knew he'd won his bet again. They only story they would write up would be the one where Angela Rayner crashed the economy by possibly not paying £1500 Capital Gains Tax.