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Liz Truss and Rishi Sunak claim to have Tats

In a new development in the leadership contest, both Liz Truss and Rishi Sunak have made claims that they 'identify' with the poor people who they expect to vote the Conservatives back in as an indication of servitude in two years time.

A spokesperson for Ms Truss claimed Liz had a tattoo on each breast, one of Donald Trump's face, the other of Boris Johnson's. 'It's true, she popped into one of those common tattoo parlours when she was at a hustings in the North East,' enthused the spokesperson. 'She has their noses where her nipples are and she gets really turned on when either or both lie,' she added with a saucy wink. She confirmed Boris was tattooed on the right breast and Trump on the far right, naturally. She also suggested Ms Truss had previously had David Cameron's face tattooed on her butt, but wouldn't elaborate where his mouth was located.

Not to be outdone, Mr Sunak's spokesperson claimed the former Chancellor had a 3D barcode tattooed on his right shoulder. When scanned it brought up his Green card number and IRS Social Security number 'to save time at security'.

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