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Mystery businessman offers £1,000,000 prize for someone to kick Boris Johnson up the arse on live TV

Updated: Nov 27, 2021

In a development inspired by legendary sitcom Fr. Ted, a wealthy businessman who wishes to remain anonymous, has offered to pay a cool £1,000,000 to the first person who's able to land Boris Johnson "a good hard kick up the arse" and have the moment captured on live TV.

A spokesman for the mystery tycoon said: 'My boss, Mr X, is sick to death looking at the smirking idiot talking incoherent bollocks and grinning like a bloody Cheshire cat, and feels that someone humiliating Johnson in this manner on live TV would go a long way to making him feel better about the world in general. Hence, such a magnificent sum.'

It's understood that in light of last week's bungled attempt by Mr Johnson to change parliamentary rules in a blatant effort to get his pal out of a bit of trouble, security has been beefed up on government benches in the House of Commons, in case any Tory MPs fancy taking a crack at their leader.

Meanwhile the news is believed to have sparked massive interest across the country, with many offering to carry out the dare but donate the money to charity. And one Buckingham Palace insider is refusing to deny that upon hearing about the proposal, a wistful Queen commented: 'You know, if one was twenty years younger, one might be tempted to have a go oneself when the bloody buffoon shows up here next Wednesday.'

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