Updated: Sep 16, 2022
Concerns are being raised over the government's plan to privatise the number 4.
A spokesman for the Department of Digital Ineptitude, Culture Wars, Media Suppression and Sport Bandwagon-Jumping said:
‘It’s all to do with the changing numerical landscape. 2 plus 2 is 4, but 2 times 2 is also 4. That’s typical public sector wastefulness. We’ve pretty much privatised number 10 already. Three is the magic number. Yes it is, it’s the magic number, but it’s also a big mobile phone company already. We also can't privatise 9, because 7 ate it.
‘How much do you think we could get for the number 4 made up of the spinning coloured rectangles?’
Oscar Oldroyd, who turns 4 next month and whose birthday party would be cancelled, said ‘Boris is a poo-poo head’. Oscar’s parents both nodded sadly in agreement.