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Starmer amends 'not Corbyn' to 'not Corbyn or Johnson'

In a major policy movement the Labour Party has decided to leverage the success it enjoyed by pitching leader Keir Starmer as 'not Corbyn', by extending it to include 'not Johnson' as well. 'By not being Corbyn or Johnson, Starmer is saying he's, well, not two other people, so he must be everyone else,' said a spokesman. Asked if Starmer was 'not Sunak' the spokesman declined to answer, but pointed out that the Labour leader is on track to not adopt any policies that would later be reversed, by not adopting them in the first place. Asked if this included arguably the greatest miscarriage of justice in British history, the Post Office Horizon debacle the spokesman confirmed that Starmer wasn't going to put remedying the miscarriage as a policy, just so he didn't have to ditch it when the time come.

'Johnson would have ditched it, no doubt, so that's proof Starmer's not Johnson,' the spokesman said, adding, 'and Corbyn wouldn't have reversed the policy if it had been policy, so defo not Corbyn. QED,' he said.

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