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Suspicious spike in betting on pundits saying 'England will grow into the tournament'

Without a single shred of evidence, football commentators and pundits are still saying that the England team will 'grow into' the European football finals. Unable to find reasonable odds elsewhere, it is believed that seasoned gamblers in the mould of Ivan Toney are responsible for a huge uptick in bets on how many times Alan Shearer will repeat this nonsensical mouth ejaculation.

'I completely understand that pre-match build up has to create intrigue and jeopardy,' said a Dutchman. 'But there's a limit to suspended disbelief. And indeed the number of goals Oranjie can slot in the opening 30 seconds of the match.

'Shearer should slip the restraints of diamond formation commentary and pivot to "It's the sign of true champions when they can play like dogsh*t and still win". I tell you, a bet on him saying that phrase would earn odds of 66/1, and it's almost a dead cert when England trudge off the pitch 4-0 down at half time.

'You have a team of great players. The skill and consistency they have shown at club level is undoubted. It takes extraordinary discipline to conceal all of that ability for an entire tournament.'

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