Washington has finally found a way around the problem of the embarrassing number of octogenarians jostling to become the next resident of the White House. With assistance from the American Kennel Club, each geriatric candidate has been assigned a new canine age.
Congressman Winthrop Stoad III of Georgia, 94, has just entered the contest as a 31-year-old. 'It helps people forget that I've been in Congress since 1948 and voted for Jim Crow laws right through the 1950s,' he explains.
However, candidate Senator Bill Wilks of Massachusetts, 38, is not happy: 'My new age is 10 and my campaign manager has just been arrested for child trafficking.'
Joe Biden is also having problems adjusting to being caninised. 'He's taking the whole dog thing too seriously,' complains one of his aides. 'I wish he'd stop barking and trying to hump my leg.'