Giant James May terrorises Kent after being given ‘wrong kind of growth hormones’
Kent woke today to scenes of carnage after a giant James May roamed the countryside overnight, leaving a trail of destruction in his wake.
Scientists at the Kent Institute of Pharmacology admitted that May, 47, had agreed to take part in a trial of an experimental new drug aimed at getting middle-aged men to ‘just grow up’. Unfortunately the drug had the undesired effect of making him grow to five storeys tall, from which height it is believed that May’s instinct ‘to treat everything like a giant train set’ kicked in.
BBC bosses shocked their rivals today by announcing a new TV drama based on the extraordinary working and private lives of St John Ambulance volunteers. The drama named ‘Do you want a glass of water?’ is based on the hectic activities of the volunteers as they attempt to help the public cope with minor injuries and ailments. 
The Toy Retailers Association has unveiled its list of the top five toys that are dominated Christmas lists this year. Toymakers largely played safe with a mixture of national treasures and action toys but gave them a technological or modern twist. Perhaps in reaction to the banking crisis, nostalgia was the biggest factor this year, with the number one toy being a ‘talking’ version of playwright Alan Bennett. The 75-year old is said to be surprised and slightly embarrassed at finding himself occupying the top spot. 
