NewsBiscuit

Multi-award winning novelist and screenwriter Kieran Henderson, who last year became the first author to win an Oscar for writing the screenplay to his own Booker-winning novel, has shocked the literary establishment by announcing that he is to put his pen away in order to create spreadsheets and do appraisals for people he hates.

Henderson is said to have worked on his writing for sixteen hours a day for nearly three decades before attaining his widely acknowledged status as the outstanding British writer of his generation. Though puzzling to many, Henderson has revealed that his decision to give up the day job for a day job was inspired by the plethora of interactive television talent shows.

Read more >

To the equal delight of the art world and the frustration of most rationale print lovers, the notorious Turner Prize winner proposes to ‘redefine’ what we a perceive to be a ‘well written book’. Changes in font size, incomplete sentences and a cover-face smeared in formaldehyde, are among some of the ‘challenging’ aspects of Hirst’s book, which one publisher described as ‘being beaten around the head with a diamond encrusted skull’.

Read more >

An exhibition of paintings by ‘Daub Ya’, a 68 year old chimpanzee, has divided art critics after it went on show in a prestigious Texas gallery.

Daub Ya (real name George) began painting pictures of fellow animals he met from his time in the World Zoo, from where he was retired in 2008. Two portraits of bear friends, ‘Pooh-Tin’ and ‘Toh-Nee’ have drawn the most attention at the show, with one critic lauding them as ‘penetratingly accurate’, whilst most critics dismissed them as ‘risible’, ‘puerile’ and ‘utter shite’.

Read more >

The odds of a non-UK resident winning series eight of the ever popular talent show have dramatically shortened today, with the late entry of an outbreak of virulent hemorrhagic fever from Guinea.

Seen as ‘more photogenic than SuBo’, the virus promises to be just as ‘virulent as Diversity’, as ‘deadly as Paul Potts’ and guaranteed to cause ‘more internal bleeding’ than Jai McDowall’s last album. The 2012 BGT tour was axed due to low ticket sales, but EBOV is committed to ‘filling emergency rooms up and down the land’.

Read more >

The BBC has cautioned its audience that while it can warn people about news reports featuring flash photography, the Corporation is “powerless” to protect people from flash photography that occurs “off air” and away from television cameras in the course of everyday life.

Read more >