In a community already devastated by murder, dour-faced detectives will tackle a spate of shocking crimes that culminate in the vandalism of the cricket pavilion.
In a state-sanctioned policy, North Korea has decided to undermine Western Civilisation by leaving ‘bitchy’ reviews for all media products. Having successfully forced Sony Pictures to delay the release of their movie ‘The Interview’, North Korean hackers are set to turn their sights on undermining all we hold dear; such as the Twilight franchise, the novels of Dan Brown and the musical genius that is Justin Bieber.
In an effort to combat accusations of bias amongst the celebrity judging panel in the forthcoming high-profile final of the X-Factor, the current panel will be replaced by a more traditional panel of judges.
From next year, works which come with an artist’s name attached will be disqualified from the prestigious contemporary art prize’s selection process. Instead, judges will concentrate on works that have not been made by artists.
‘The very idea of artists has now been totally discredited by new and exciting works like ‘James Milner’s Shin Pads’,’ explained chief Judge Mike Smythe. ‘These exist free of the bourgeois taint of personality cult. No formal ‘artist’ has been involved, strictly speaking.’
In yet another concession towards Scottish nationalists, Westminster has announced that from Summer 2015 Holyrood will be able to take control of plot and character development in the version of EastEnders broadcast in Scotland.