NewsBiscuit

The news written by you…

ArtsBiscuit

Pro-Russian Ukranians hold ‘unofficial’ Eurovision vote

the people have spokenRussian twins The Tolmachevy Sisters have won a landslide victory in the Eurovision Song Contest according to an unofficial poll which took place in areas held by Pro-Russian demonstrators in Eastern Ukraine.

Voting slips featured a photo of The Tolmachevy Sisters accompanied by the Russian flag, while ‘everyone else’ was represented by a photo of dead WW2 Russians accompanied by a Swastika. After votes were counted, the Russian singing duo were duly declared winners with an impressive 108% of the popular vote.

Read more >



BBC’s Jezza could topple ‘at any time’ as more cracks appear

the most iconic icon... in the woorldThe BBC’s iconic monolith ‘Jezza’ is in danger of collapsing due to its ‘feet of clay’ and ‘teeny, weeny, tiny, toe’ say experts.
.

Read more >



Sky Atlantic debut gritty drama series about people who don’t have Sky Atlantic

clearly not how modern humans should behaveAn all new gritty drama series portraying the destitute people who don’t have Sky Atlantic will be airing this Sunday at 9 PM.

Read more >



Russell Brand ‘broke Paxman’s heart’

'Come on, it's a simple question. Yes or no?'The veteran presenter and professional cynic has quit BBC Two’s Newsnight amid rumours that he had been ‘pining like a dog on heat’ for the acerbic lothario, Russell Brand. Jeremy Paxman (63) has confessed privately to colleagues that since his fateful meeting with the comedian on 23 October 2013, he has been unable to ‘sleep’, ‘wash’ or ‘sneer effectively at Nick Clegg’.

Read more >



Britain basically a One Direction-worshipping country, says Cameron

'You don't know you're beautiful'David Cameron has sparked a heated debate after claiming that Britain should be ‘more confident in its status as a country of Directioners’. The PM made his remarks in an interview with Smash Hits magazine, adding that the teachings of Niall, Zayn, Liam, Harry and Louis had shaped British society and inspired its values of tolerance, respect and being beautiful because you don’t know you’re beautiful, baby.

Read more >