NewsBiscuit

The news written by you…

BusinessBiscuit

Man loses identity after failing bank security check

Gavin Ames from Maidenhead was left distraught yesterday after a routine call to his bank to set up a new direct debit, left him a bleak future with no name and no money. When asked to answer three security questions by the NatWest, Gavin froze and went blank.

Gavin, or alleged Gavin, managed to answer the first two questions – his middle name and mother’s maiden name – but when asked to remember the amount of his last cash withdrawal, he panicked. ‘I said forty pounds’ said Gavin, ‘but then remembered I’d later taken out another twenty at Tesco to buy some lunch. By then it was too late, the guy had entered my answer into the system. He told me that I’d failed to prove who I am and that he could no longer help me. I pleaded with him to ask me more questions, but he said it wasn’t possible, I’d been deleted, before asking me if there was anything else he could do for me today.’ Gavin’s access to his bank account was locked, and he can no longer access his own money.

Read more >



Holiday companies to offer IS selfie execution packages

'C'mon, lighten up!' said an IS spokesmanIS today declared beheading videos are a great way to make loads of money from YouTube and are simply harmless fun.

‘I must admit they make a refreshing change from all those boring pet videos, which have been flogged to death,’ said Mrs Irene Crudwell, 88, from Bournemouth.

Read more >



Bank of England’s Governor feeds interest rate dissenters to piranhas

They really had become rather tiresomeTwo members of the Bank of England’s Monetary Policy Committee who favoured an interest rate rise have been eaten alive by a school of piranhas on the whim of Bank of England Governor Mark Carney, while shocked members of the committee looked on.

Read more >



Maths boffins solve supermarket BOGOF quandary

buy one get another one somewhere else 'not a great deal' say Trading StandardsMathematicians at the University of Leicester have proved conclusively that whenever supermarkets use a ‘Buy One, Get One Free’ offer they should place an even number of items on the relevant shelf.

Read more >



Unions condemn action as Union of Union-Workers votes to strike

jobs for the boys for the boys, and girls, brother, er, sisterThere were accusations and no small amount of confusion today as the Union of Union Workers announced an overwhelming vote by its members in favour of strike action in their long-running dispute with Union bosses over pay and union representation.

UwU boss Jim Cooper was in defiant mood following the results of today’s vote, threatening to bring chaos to the summer strike-season after 95% of the highly unionised Union-workers voted in favour of strikes.

Read more >