NewsBiscuit

The news written by you…

BusinessBiscuit

Government agrees to ‘gentlemen’s agreement’ with G4S over being ripped off

Whitehall has agreed to allow G4S to bid for lucrative contracts again, on the condition that they ‘don’t make it too obvious’ when they’re defrauding the public purse of hundreds of millions of pounds.

At a press conference earlier today, a Treasury spokesman confirmed that a ‘gentlemen’s bargain’ had been struck, saying that ‘Ultimately, we know the private sector will always provide better value for money than our own bloated and befuddled ways. If we have to turn a blind eye to a few pens missing from the office, or bars of gold from the Bank of England, then that’s just the price we pay for the extraordinary expertise they bring in providing trained security guards for international events and tagging prisoners who are definitely alive and still under surveillance, rather than not really there at all, really.’

Read more >



Bitcoins to be replaced with Lego

long track record, future proofAs the MtGox Exchange files for bankruptcy, virtual investors have been frantically looking for an alternative currency that could provide the twin qualities of stability and an ever present threat to bare feet.

Read more >



Great white shark seen in Atlantic on its way to take over Co-op Bank

can't wait to sink its teeth inA great white shark that was spotted crossing from one side of the Atlantic to the other is on its way to hold discussions with the board of directors at the Co-op Bank, according to the head of the expedition tracking it.

Read more >



LinkedIn launch dedicated network for the jobless – ‘AlwaysIn’

always more to learn from like-minded professionalsLinkedIn today, announced the launch of ‘AlwaysIn’, a dedicated jobless-to-jobless network for those currently unemployed and illegally claiming benefits.

Read more >



Selfies to be legal tender

every one a work of artWith UK banks soon to follow the US in allowing customers to pay in cheques via their mobile, the Treasury has announced that our entire photographic library is to become an acceptable form of payment by 2017. Account holders will regularly upload images of the inside of their pocket, blurred relatives and the occasional photobomb by Pope Francis.

Read more >