Wall Street was in shock today as news emerged that Buttercup, the chimp who for the last five years has sat behind the big curtain on the New York Stock exchange trading floor pressing the random buttons which control share prices, has died of ennui. The fears reflect all the analysts’ reminders that panic over the death of the previous incumbent, a 23 year old chimpanzee called Groucho, is widely acknowledged to have caused the Global Financial Crisis in 2008.
Despite tough economic times, the Welsh Assembly Government will be telling online retailers in Wales to shut up shop on Sundays and Wednesday afternoons because their ‘always available approach’ is making the other shops look bad.’
British Banks must ring-fence their ‘well dodgy bits’ and keep them entirely separate from their ‘nice smiley bits’, the Chancellor of the Exchequer has warned. Bank Branch staff have largely supported the idea.