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World struggles not to tell Charlie Sheen ‘I told you so’‏

The sad news of that star of ‘Anger Management’ was diagnosed with HIV four years ago, has naturally been greeted by an outpouring of empathy and a subliminal sense of ‘we did warn you’. While no one deserves such an illness, there is a feeling of inevitability; like a George Osborne cut-back, a James Corden punchline or US diplomacy involving guns.

Ironically, long before his diagnosis, many had assumed that Mr. Sheen’s predilection for prostitutes and porn stars was the main contributor to the world becoming immune to anti-biotics.

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Adele’s ex-boyfriend finally comes out of hiding

Bowed by public pressure and surrounded by bodyguards a Mr. Gary Stevens, of West Norwood, has revealed that he is to blame for Adele’s plaintive wailing and multi-million pound angst. His ill-fated romance with the singer in 2005 forced him to him to become a fugitive, concealing from friends and family that he was the muse behind such Adele classics as ‘Someone Like You’, ‘I hope your kn@b rots off’ and the melodic ‘Die, you cheating bastard, die’.

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Daily Express to cut number of reporters investigating Diana’s ‘death’


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Royal household to enjoy ‘Wear What You Like’ day

it could all get a bit kinkyIn joint celebration of this year’s summer holidays and the impending milestone of becoming Britain’s longest reigning monarch, Her Majesty the Queen is to instigate a ‘Wear What You Like’ day for the Royal Household, palace officials have revealed.

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Keith Richards ‘may have taken performance enhancing drugs‏’

just put it all down to a spoon or two of brown sugarThe worlds of athletics and music have been thrown into confusion with the allegation that the Rolling Stones’ guitarist may have used banned substances.

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