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Daily Mail joins long list of Clooney rejects

Read it and weepFollowing in the petite footsteps of Lisa Snowden, the Mail Online has been forced to finally accept that the ‘grey fox’, George Clooney, will never hold them in his big strong arms.

The newspaper’s jealous response to Mr. Clooney’s engagement to Amal Alamuddin has led to Clooney refusing to accept phone calls, bouquets of roses and romantic editorials about ‘stinky immigrants’ from the lovesick tabloid.

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Dozens of British celebrities implicated in talent avoidance schemes

why wasn't the public told sooner?George Michael, Katie Melua and Gary Barlow are among a list of entertainers involved in massive talent avoidance schemes – all completely within the bounds of the law, according to a leaked report.

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Gwyneth Paltrow sent to Afghanistan for using inappropriate analogy

GwynethAfter the latest ruling under the new crowd-sourced sentencing system, Gwyneth Paltrow faces six months’ front line service in Afghanistan’s Helmand province for carelessly using an analogy that used war to describe the feeling of dehumanisation after receiving insults online.

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Duke and Duchess of Cambridge fail to mate, say keepers

duty calls, no-one answersScientists working at Kensington Palace have announced the mating window of the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge has closed after the pair failed to conceive, despite several romantic encounters in a specially constructed royal ‘love tunnel’.

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BBC’s Jezza could topple ‘at any time’ as more cracks appear

the most iconic icon... in the woorldThe BBC’s iconic monolith ‘Jezza’ is in danger of collapsing due to its ‘feet of clay’ and ‘teeny, weeny, tiny, toe’ say experts.
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