SchoolBiscuit
The 25 worst-performing primary schools are to be redesignated as zoos, according to Michael Gove, the Education Secretary. The schools will be used to both protect endangered feral children, and to provide entertainment to the British public.
‘Penchant for exhilarating sex with topless manual labourers, whose skin glistens in the morning sun like fresh dew on a rosebud.’
‘We can stay here all day if necessary,’ said negotiators. ‘It’s your own time you’re wasting.’
‘There’s no way we can deal with classroom after classroom of certifiable prodigies. We’re used to teaching basic literacy skills and colouring-in, not advanced calculus and the history of the Bauhaus.’
‘Chilling prediction of smiley punctuation’
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