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GreenBiscuit

Sid James sex pest trial jury returns verdict of ‘Oooh, saucy!’

er, carry on...The jury has sensationally decided that ‘that was how it was in them days’ and that no further action should be taken.

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Isle of Wight coast threatened by huge slick of charity shop tat

slime 'everywhere'It survived the French invasion of 1545 and even the influx of five Polish would-be migrant workers, who were eventually seized and burned at the stake in Freshwater in 2009. Now, however, the pristine coastline of the Isle of Wight is facing its most deadly menace ever after an estimated 500,000 barrels of utterly appalling crap from charity shops leaked from an underground bunker near Portsmouth into the Solent.

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Pompeii crisis ‘nothing to do with me’, says Mount Vesuvius

Shock and aaw! Come on, seriously?Active volcano Mount Vesuvius has insisted that it was not behind the crisis that engulfed Pompeii in AD79, and should not be held accountable for the devastation that took place.

The large cone-shaped projection claims the burying of the Roman city was a result of cataclysmic activity in the earth’s crust and the events that took place would somehow have happened anyway.

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Government entrusts cat cull to schoolboys

Licensed schoolboys across the country have been brought in to help stem the spread of cat to human TB the Government have announced.

Under plans unveiled at a packed news conference the cull of cats will take place between the hours of after school and bed time in three pilot areas.

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DEFRA chief ‘caught wife in bed with badger’

The mystery of DEFRA’s antipathy towards badgers may have been solved, with the publication of a shocking ‘Cull and Tell’ memoir by DEFRA insider Alison Bethel.

‘When foxes turned urban, we weren’t too worried’, she writes. ‘It was just a bit of rummaging in bins, playing hip-hop music, that sort of thing. But badgers went one step further – they turned urbane. They were the talk of the Home Counties – sophisticated, witty, charming, with a hint of the night about them. Actually, quite a lot of the night, being nocturnal.

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