Rare species applies for voluntary extinction
One of Africa’s rarest mammals, the Timkinson’s Small-Footed Gazelle, has shocked wildlife experts and conservationists by applying for voluntary extinction.
The animal which lives a precarious existence on the margins of the Namib Desert is prey to so many other creatures that it feels it simply isn’t worth the bother of trying to stay alive any more. ‘During the course of our migration from the sand dunes of the Namib to the waters of the Okavango Delta’ said a spokes-gazelle ‘we must suffer attacks from lions, leopards, cheetahs, crocodiles and a very bad tempered rhino called ‘Simon’.’ The Gazelle’s timid and peaceful nature, coupled with its small stature, low turn of speed and clumsy useless horns makes it vulnerable to practically anything larger than a Dung Beetle. ‘We just can’t see the point of carrying on any more and have asked the Namibian authorities to allow us to travel to Switzerland to commit suicide with dignity.’
The government confirmed yesterday that the United Kingdom is on course to meet 100% of its herbal needs using home-grown cannabis by the end of next year, and may even become a net exporter by 2011. 

