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Rare species applies for voluntary extinction

What's the point?One of Africa’s rarest mammals, the Timkinson’s Small-Footed Gazelle, has shocked wildlife experts and conservationists by applying for voluntary extinction.

The animal which lives a precarious existence on the margins of the Namib Desert is prey to so many other creatures that it feels it simply isn’t worth the bother of trying to stay alive any more. ‘During the course of our migration from the sand dunes of the Namib to the waters of the Okavango Delta’ said a spokes-gazelle ‘we must suffer attacks from lions, leopards, cheetahs, crocodiles and a very bad tempered rhino called ‘Simon’.’ The Gazelle’s timid and peaceful nature, coupled with its small stature, low turn of speed and clumsy useless horns makes it vulnerable to practically anything larger than a Dung Beetle. ‘We just can’t see the point of carrying on any more and have asked the Namibian authorities to allow us to travel to Switzerland to commit suicide with dignity.’

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Britain to achieve ’skunk self-sufficiency’ by 2010

Britain could be net exporters by 2011The government confirmed yesterday that the United Kingdom is on course to meet 100% of its herbal needs using home-grown cannabis by the end of next year, and may even become a net exporter by 2011.

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‘Do you really need to print this email?’ messages may not be enough to save planet, warn scientists

yes, actuallyEnvironmental campaigners were left reeling today after scientists questioned their strategy to save the planet’s rainforests and halt catastrophic climate change simply by adding the question ‘Do you really need to print this message?’ to the bottom of every email. A three-year study has found no recorded instances of someone changing their mind about printing, with the answer to the question on every occasion being ‘Yes, actually’.

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‘City slum’ opens on rural farm

features traditional urban crafts such as tagging and car crimeThe rural alternative to City Farms is being piloted in Dorset this week, as country folk are invited to come and visit a real life working city slum in the middle of an area of outstanding natural beauty. The ‘Urban Blight Experience’ is a new attraction, intended to educate and entertain those used to living in a rural idyll, and ensure that traditional urban crafts such as tagging, car crime, and flytipping do not die out.

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Countryside Alliance furious at ban on badger fisting

NewsBiscuitMembers of the Countryside Alliance were in uproar today following the news that the ancient tradition of badger fisting is to be made illegal in England and Wales. The ban comes into effect immediately, following the passing of the Badgers (Manual Penetration) Act 2008 which makes it an offence to knowingly fist or assist in the fisting of a badger.

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