Following on from the news that North Sea cod is to return to the dinner table, the Marine Conservation Society (MCS) has declared that ‘tree-hugging beardy-weirdys’ are no longer endangered. Members of the public are now permitted to mock environmentalists without fear of reducing their numbers and are free to ‘fry them’ in ridicule, ‘batter’ them with abuse and smother them in the ‘ketchup of their scorn’.
Britain’s countryside and wildlife fraternity are deeply divided over the news that the nation’s most common protected species of bat is the carrier of a fungal disease which is laying waste to vast areas of traditional woodland.
Fears are growing for the Scottish Labour MP after a recent report suggests there may be only a single individual left in the wild. Experts have proposed a captive breeding program at Edinburgh Zoo to help increase their numbers for eventual release.
Avian rights activists are demanding answers from the government today after the Guardian published tweets from an insider at the RSPB, indicating the shocking extent of directed surveillance against birds.