NewsBiscuit

The news written by you…

HealthBiscuit

Tooth fairy moving onto kidneys

pound left under dialysis machineWith half of the UK’s eight-year-olds suffering from tooth decay, all gossamer-winged withdrawals will now focus on harvesting undamaged organs. Children can now expect to wake with significant surgical scarring in the abdominal area, problems filtering urine and a pound coin under their pillow ‘for their troubles’.

Read more >



David Tredinnick MP: ‘The NHS can be rescued by rubbing a big crystal on it’

cures cancer as well, apparentlyTory MP and crystal skull-lover David Tredinnick set out his vision today for the future of the NHS. These reforms will include the pre-emptive treatment of all individuals born under the sign of Cancer with aggressive chemotherapy and Reiki massage. ‘Every child born between the dates June 22nd –July 22nd will be administered potent chemotherapeutic agents from the age of six onwards’, announced Mr Tredinnick.

Read more >



A&E departments unable to cope with influx of news teams

news crews resorting to reporting on each otherA&E departments across England are struggling to deal with the unprecedented numbers of reporters and news crews that have descended upon them in the last few days. Cameramen have reported being kept waiting in corridors for up to eight hours, and more than twenty hospitals have admitted missing their target of enabling broadcasts to be transmitted from their emergency rooms every four hours.

Read more >



Cancer charity launches ‘F*ck My Luck’ TV campaign

Cancer charities are celebrating today after the breakthrough discovery at the Johns Hopkins University School of Medicine that the majority of cancers are attributed to bad luck rather than environmental or genetic factors. Professor Naills Joffrey, 42 (age and BMI), gestured with a cheeseburger while describing the findings.

Read more >



Doctors to fight Ebola virus with NHS food

As yet there is no known cure for Ebola but the doctor in charge of the case has said he is yet to find anything that is able to survive a dose of NHS macaroni cheese and a follow up course of lukewarm apple pie and custard-like liquid.

Read more >