NewsBiscuit

The leading toy manufacturer behind the perennially popular Barbie doll has announced the world famous doll’s latest evolution in a bid to keep her in tune with current youth trends. ‘Barbie has always been an aspirational brand, so we wanted to ensure her next incarnation was something young girls could really strive towards,’ said a company spokeswoman, who refused to confirm or deny whether the launch was a direct response to Sindy’s Malawian Orphan™.

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Former hippies Will and Judith Sanders have spoken of their upset after a secret home makeover planned by their grandchildren got out of hand.

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Debbie Sanders, 26, of Chatham, warned today against the dangers of a new web-based marriage service. ‘My boyfriend Jason had suggested trying it out, so I went online during my lunch break to see what was involved. I’d always hankered after a church wedding actually, or perhaps the Maldives, and picking the bridesmaids’ dresses and things, but nothing ventured…

‘When I clicked on the link, it said, ‘Do you want to run the Marriage Wizard?’ I had to click ‘Yes’ to continue, and then on the next screen, without thinking, I clicked on ‘I accept’. Well, no one ever reads the licence agreement, do they. The next thing I knew, it said the Wizard had completed the marriage and would I like to register for updates.’

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Equality between the sexes was meant to sort this all out. Yet even now in the 2010s, many women still complain that men are pushing them into meals as soon as they have had sex together, while men all too often believe that buying a condom entitles them to move on to a restaurant.

‘They’re all the same,’ complained Laura Styles, a 24-year-old receptionist. ‘Twenty minutes of foreplay, a quickie on the sofa and suddenly it’s ‘I know a nice little Italian round the corner, come on, everyone eats on the first night these days…’ Then if I try to make an excuse, they call me an anorexic and leave.’

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Justin Harris of Harrow was rushed to hospital on New Year’s Eve following a frantic but failed attempt to fulfil all his New Year’s resolutions for 2009 in the last few days of the year.

After realising on boxing day that he hadn’t managed to achieve any of his goals for the year, Harris set about using the Christmas to New Year lull to have a go at rectifying the situation. However, he finally succumbed to serious injuries involving his car on New Year’s Eve at some point after his first 10-mile marathon training run in the morning, and before his scheduled attempt to complete the 26.2 mile course in the afternoon.

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