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Fathers unable to bond with their kids without shared Star Wars knowledge

A study of young parents has revealed that new fathers are unable to relate to their children without a shared knowledge of the Star Wars universe, with many refusing to take part in their upbringing until they have at least a basic understanding of ‘The Force’. Furthermore, parental bonds have been harmed over disagreements regarding the validity of the prequels and inclusion of Jar Jar Binx within the saga.

Fathers have been accused by women’s groups of putting their own nostalgia for the popular movie series before their responsibilities as a parent. In response, Fathers for Justice have taken to public buildings dressed as Batman, Spiderman and various other Marvel and DC characters to demonstrate the many other franchises they are willing to embrace.

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Middle-aged Dungeons & Dragons experts ‘still not getting respect they deserve’

Although Dungeons & Dragons is celebrating its 40th anniversary, many participants are concerned that their contributions to society, heavy metal t-shirts and virginity have been overlooked. While other 80′s pastimes such as Tetris, rampant capitalism and heroin have achieved respectability, fans of D&D are still derided as ‘bespectacled geeks’.

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Barista spontaneously turns American

"And can I write your name on this cardboard cup...?"A man working as a ‘barista’ at a branch of Starbucks in Huddersfield has become the first European to spontaneously turn into an American.

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Self-fellatio injury blamed on the Lynx Effect

overstretchedA 38-year-old Kent man is recovering in hospital today after dislocating his spine in an incident which he claims was caused by the ‘Lynx Effect’.

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Well-off housewives slam Benefits Street claimants as ‘downright lazy’

simply shameful, darlingBritain’s large population of wealthy middle class housewives have today raised their concerns about the UK’s ever-growing population of ‘spongers’.

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