British citizens have today expressed their overwhelming gratitude to the Reform Party. ‘Reform aren’t all bad,’ said Colin Popp, a resident of Clacton.  ‘There’s lots of criticism of Reform and Farage, but we should all give credit where it’s due. We all need to give a massive thank you to Reform for finally shutting up those gobby right-wing Tories. ‘Since Robert Jenrick joined Reform, we haven’t heard a peep from him.  What a relief!  No stupid stunts chasing tube fare dod

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Comedy writers around the world have lodged a formal complaint with the International Olympic Committee comedy(IOC) over stories about hyaluronic acid allegedly being injected into ski jumpers’ penises to give them extra elevation. “How are we meant to compete with that?” said a spokesmirthson. “That is already funny. You can’t add anything to it. It’s not fair. We’re just trying to do our job here.” Hyaluronic acid is a common filler used in cosmetic surgery, including injec

In an astonishing display of two-faced political shithousery earlier today, British Parliamentarians gave several standing ovations to a man representing everything they abhor and avoid. The subject of the applause was President Zelenskiy of Ukraine. He is renowned for his leadership, honesty, self-effacement, steadfast strength of purpose and promotion of the common good among his citizens. Spectators were utterly bemused why MPs were praising these characteristics. Standard

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Following confirmation from the Met Office that it has rained somewhere in the UK every single day so far this year, a Shropshire man has announced that he is “about 60% sure the end is nigh” and has therefore built a full-scale ark, where he is now trapped with two of every animal on Earth. Noah Smith said he felt compelled to build the ark when the amount of rain that has fallen this year started to feel “almost biblical”, and the weather app showed nothing but rain icons e

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In a series of late night posts on the ironically named, Truth Social, President Trump, has turned his phenomenal brain power to William Shakespeare, branding The Bard of Avon as, 'A low IQ guy who wrote meaningless word salad and garbage.' Commenting on Much Ado About Nothing, Trump wrote, 'Huh, he nailed it with the title.' In another petulant post he asks, 'Who the hell was this Henry guy? Seven plays about him when clearly one would’ve been plenty. He must have been the b

The PM is demanding more time for the nation to decide if they really hate them. According to allies, Mr. Starmer is just one re-branding away from becoming popular—like Elon Musk's X. Hoping that public policy is just a Wi‑Fi router, Sir Keir thinks giving it a good kick and shake will save his arse. Trying to reset humanity’s collective memory of anything he did in the last five years is unlikely, given his internet search history and his cheeky little genocide. A friend sa

Boris Johnson has told Cabinet colleagues that he wants a return to headlines about unimportant people dying abandoned and alone in their homes and bodies piling high in the wider community rather than more damaging headlines like Parytgate and wallpaper. The PM hopes ending Covid restrictions early will see a dramatic increase in hospitalisations, acute illness and record numbers of people dying from the virus and distract people away from more serious matters like his dwind

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