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John Lewis penguin escapes forced marriage hell

never knowingly taken up the aisleA female penguin has hit out against retail giant John Lewis for what is being described as a ‘forced and highly illegal marriage’ between herself and ‘Monty’, co-star of the widely anticipated Christmas commercial released last week. The flightless bird, who hit headlines for her brief appearance in the advert, claims the whole setup was against her will, and that she intends to press charges against the well-known high street chain.

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Poundland Christmas advert features ‘semi-attractive rat’

advert cost £1 to makeDiscount high street chain Poundland have unveiled their 2014 advert for Christmas, featuring an instrumental remix of Christmas songs by some Dutch band, and seasonal visuals of a white rat sniffing around a stack of boxes labelled ‘Great value’ and ‘Super fun’, as well as ‘Cheap rubbish’ and ‘Xmas tat’. Some of the boxes have their ‘This Way Up’ warnings hilariously upside down.

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Secret Santa exposed as major money laundering scheme

all the good stuff went elsewhere, as alwaysThe world’s favourite office tradition has been revealed to have a darker side.

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Man finally electrocuted after years of poking fork into toaster

tea cakes deliberately undercooked 'for the thrill'A man from Derbyshire has finally succeeded in receiving a fatal electric shock, 7 years after first starting to extract teacakes from his toaster with a fork.

In a pre-written statement found in a special section on his Facebook page, Bradley Smith, spoke of his joy in realising a passive suicide idea that he’d come up with whilst watching an episode of EastEnders in 2007. “It was an epiphany,” blogged the 37 year old screenwriter. “My work was getting me down big-time. I tried Googling spectacular ways of checking out, but my rural broadband connection was serving up suggestions slower than those monochrome computers at the start of the Aliens movies. I figured that there was a good chance I’d probably die of natural causes before I found something interesting,” he explained.

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Overtime spent twatting about won’t count in holiday pay, rules Court

two hours a day filling in overtime timesheets doesn't count eitherAn Employment Appeal tribunal warned today that allowing overtime to be included in holiday pay calculations won’t signal massive back pay claims after all.

Pouring cold water on the hopes of millions of workers the tribunal revealed that only overtime done because a firm was busy enough to require extra actual work would count towards what counted as ‘overtime’.

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