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UK-Biscuit

Family of twelve feared to have travelled to Margate

life beyond compare awaits you thereThree generations of one family are feared to have taken a perilous trip to Margate after being radicalised by the Margate-tourism website. “We fear they may have been taken in by the swathes of PhotoShopped beaches, images with pensioners airbrushed out and, of course, you can’t smell wee on a web page,” said a senior detective working on anti-radicalisation duties with Scotland Yard.

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London emergency services practice for Murray exit

expected to reach highest state of alert early next weekIntelligence officials have closed down sections of the UK’s capital, in order to stage a simulation of the terror conditions that will occur in the wake of the Wimbledon Champion ‘choking in the quarter finals’.

The exercise involves 1,000 police officers, all of whom have been instructed to ‘taser on sight’ anyone seen weeping into a punnet of strawberries.

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UK approves ‘Gay-er marriage’

'wheel out Kylie!'Not to be out done by the United States’ decision to legalise same-sex marriage, the British judiciary has laid out plans to take marriage in general to a whole new level of kitsch. One UK MP commented: ‘This isn’t about sexual orientation; it’s about everyone’s right to dress as Elvis, surrounded by lava lamps, while dancing to Kylie Minogue’.

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Cross Channel foot passengers facing migrant ‘piggy-backing’ misery

so cunning you'd hardly know they were thereFoot passengers returning to the UK from day trips to Calais are being subjected to attempts by illegal migrants to stow away inside their personal belongings.

In unprecedented scenes, people queuing at passenger terminals in Calais were filmed by fellow travellers having to run the gauntlet of migrants climbing into carrier bags and hand luggage in their bid to enter the UK.

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£1.5 trillion lost to cash transfer con in the UK

How have they got away with it for so long?At least £1.5 trillion has been lost in a nationwide scam that ‘encourages’ people to unwittingly transfer their money into a fraudster’s account, according to Financial Fraud Study (FFS).

‘It’s a clever ruse, and utterly believable,’ said a spokesman for FFS. ‘The victim’s employer receives a demand from a shady outfit calling itself HMRC to take a percentage of wages out of the victim’s pay packet, falls for it, and then transfers the money to a ‘safe account’ where it can be frittered away by the fraudsters.’

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