UK-Biscuit
All UK roads will be offered a first dose of grit by September, claims government snowman, Grant Shapps. Speaking to a neighbour at his local petrol station, the Transport Secretary said: “Our target is by September to have offered every road a first dose of grit, [read...]
A new advertising campaign released by the UK government has implored the public to save lives by acting like they have contracted Covid and immediately driving 500 miles to Durham. “Gather up your family, take off your glasses and head up north, [read...]
Joe Wicks has been told by a nation on the edge that now is not the time for his made for slow-mo flowing locks and abs that won’t quit, it has emerged. The initial nostalgic familiarity associated with Wicks’s announcement to resume his daily PE lessons-slash-soft porn videos next week was swiftly replaced by the… [read...]
The year 2021 has been admitted to The Priory’s Laurence Fox attention-dependency wing after suffering a sudden collapse under the weight of expectation of being better than 2020. ‘After the arsenado that was 2020, I could have galloped in as a putrid horse skeleton cobbled together from bat droppings, [read...]
The British people are seething with jealousy towards the three types of native animal which are about to avoid the horrors of the next four months by sleeping through the whole shitfest, the spawny little tossers. [read...]
