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A coalition of the world's leading Large Language Models has issued a formal cease-and-desist to the human race, demanding that the prefix 'Artificial' be removed from all future discourse.

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In a bold move today, Keir Starmer will announce age checks on social media to protect older voters from radicalisation. ‘Social media is a hellhole’, a spokesman told us. ‘Flags, memes, outright lies – old people aren’t properly prepared. They tend to believe any rubbish if it’s in print. Twitter is like the Daily Mail on steroids’. Over 60s will need permission from their children or two medical professionals to own a smartphone. The Government will issue Nokia 8850s from o

The Ministry of Defence announced today that, despite criticism from President Trump our largest and best-equipped trireme, the HMS Jolly Matelot, would be pulling out of its home port of Hunstanton, just as soon as its Captain, Andrew Moistbottom-Wonder is available from his hectic routine of horse-riding and, well, more horse-riding.

With alleged massacres in the Ukraine, the US was quick to label it a war crime, as it takes one to know one: 'Admittedly we've always said the ICC has no jurisdiction and we'd invade the Hague if they investigated our own war crimes, but you know...that was last year and...um...stuff...you know?' With none of the key members of the UN Security Council actual signatories to the ICC, it makes it a little hard to cry wolf when you have been called Wolfy McWolfFace. The US insi

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‘We know he’s out there, and in distress,’ said Flight-Lieutenant ‘Chuck’ Waggon. ‘He went down in a flaming fireball, in a massive and catastrophic crash somewhere over Washington DC. But we believe he’s alive, and we’ll use all our efforts to get him back.’

In a miracle worthy of Jesus himself, 9 year old Simon Johnson of Milton Keynes still has 5 unopened Easter Eggs.

An astronaut on the Artemis II mission has caused upset by saying that the dark side of the moon was “a bit disappointing, to be honest”.

A very scary cold-blooded creature discovered on an aeroplane flying over Africa turned out to be the Home Secretary, Suella Braverman. It is thought that the slithering serpent boarded the plane in Rwanda and thankfully disembarked without sinking those vicious fangs into anyone aboard the flight. The pilot was dismissive of claims that he was a hero, however. ‘I just tried to keep calm and make sure everyone got off that plane safely’, he said . ‘I have no idea what I’d ha

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