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Sky has announced the ending of regular programming on its daytime channels from the start of next month. Instead, they will show wall-to-wall adverts for funeral plans mixed with others featuring pointless gadgets for that drawer in your kitchen that's specially reserved for unused useless stuff - old washers, odd chopsticks and the pack of playing cards you take away on holiday, despite it only having 51 cards. Trevor Harper, a channel spokesman, said. 'This is the future o

The Chancellor has announced that a funding boost for British culture, such as provided by the BBC, is to come from a special tax on foreign-owned golf courses. It is thought this tax will raise at least £1bn. Photo by Courtney Cook  on Unsplash

In an attempt to staunch the recent and highly embarrassing flow of prisoners being allowed to go free moments after having been sentenced to imprisonment, the Ministry of Justice has issued new tough guidelines. A department spokesman explained: 'We've come up with a rather clever scheme, actually. As convicted prisoners leave the dock, a security guard will accompany them to a holding area in the court to be known as "the cells". 'There they will await the arrival of transp

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Manager Gareth Southgate refused to attend a press conference following England’s latest embarrassing defeat in Qatar. Despite inventing...

Winner: SirLupus Runners-Up: "Remarkably, the thermonuclear blast outside Starbucks actually reduced the temperature of everyone’s Americano." (Midfield Diamond, with a hat tip to SirLupus); "Gail hoped the photo of her secret rendezvous with a random truck driver wouldn't be in the NB caption competition." (Sinnick)

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One for the kids

'Every sodding Monday, Nigel Farage holds a press conference and every time he says the same sodding thing,' groaned a spokes-hack for Britain's political correspondents, emerging from the conference room with bleeding ears. 'It's always: Brexit hasn't been tried properly... Britain is broken... the BBC is woke... foreigners should be starved and deported. Then he goes and says it all again on GB News, for hours on end. 'We've heard it so often that we don't bother taking not

Amazon has complained about a campaign by Reform that threatens all references to Black Friday when they get into power.

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Competitors are gathering in the Middle East to walk a tightrope between enjoying themselves and being condemned to the death penalty....

US President Donald Trump is aiming to pick just one of the many responses to allegations regarding his relationship with Jeffrey Epstein, and then attempt to stick with that.