People of Ukraine & Gaza forget their suffering

The people of Ukraine and Gaza forget all about their suffering - being bombed, shot and/or starved, and being generally f*cked about by Donald Trump and his arse-licking acolytes - in their ecstasy at learning that some singer (?) has become engaged to some footy player.

'My family have all been killed, I've been seriously wounded and my home and all my possessions have been destroyed' said one happy man. 'But hey-ho!  Who cares about minor inconveniences like that?  I couldn't be happier, knowing that this couple are set for a lifetime - or at least, a week or so - of wedded bliss.  I can't stop thinking them all day long, and at night as well, when I am kept awake by the noise of bombing, shelling and gunfire.'

Image credit: deep dream generator

I know I'll never love this way again, so I keep holdin' on, before the good is gone

Taylor Swift announces 12th break-up album

Swift has built a reputation as a prolific love tourist. She puts the hopeless into hopeless romantic. Her Tinder profile has been swiped more than a stolen credit card. And she has been through more young men than an Ukrainian recruiting officer.

This will be her 12th studio break-up. It follows her record breaking tour of dating apps – wooing over 1.2 million people worldwide. This included eight nights at Wembley Arena, where she speed dated the entire UK population.

She has won 14 Grammys but won the hearts of countless Grandads. Ironically the announcement was made on her current boyfriend’s podcast: “I didn’t want him to find out this way but we are never ever getting back together.”

Photo by Adam Przeniewski on Unsplash