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Bezos commits to saving world once he owns it all

Updated: Dec 22, 2021

Billionaire Jeff Bezos has announced to the politicians and campaigners at the COP26 climate change summit that he will take over saving the world from them, once the entirety of the planet's real estate is in his possession.

"On my recent flight into space - I flew into space by the way, did you know? yeah it was great - anyway, I looked down on the earth from above" said the Amazon boss "and I thought: so much of that belongs to someone else. My properties are just about visible from space, but they looked so small and fragile. It was clear that I needed to take action. By which I mean, every year I'm going to spend about 0.5% of my wealth stopping climate change .And use the rest of it to buy the land from under your feet. And seabed mineral rights, don't forget them! There's so much ocean! You really notice that from space, you see."

Despite critics saying that Amazon's business model encourages rampant resource-depleting consumerism, Bezos rejected calls for change at his company, noting that "if we don't mine the earth to pieces to make more Kindles and TVs, where's the money going to come from to save it?"

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