Having successfully smashed the chances of 6 guys with placards overthrowing the monarchy, the Public Order Bill is set to come slamming down on Labour, the Lib Dems, SNP and probably the Green Party as well – just to be on the safe side. All of their MPs and party members face arrest and immediate deportation to Rwanda.
Anyone considered to be considering voting for those parties will be arrested on the morning of the next general election, just before polling begins. They will be held until just after the polls close, before being released without charge. The subsequent apology will come with air quotes.
Home Secretary Suella Braverman was allegedly seen salivating and naming the plan “Operation British Values”.
Tory intern Henry Hootington-Hurst clarified ‘These protesters, who self-identify as the Labour party, plan to interfere with key national infrastructure like roads and railways. Labour have suggested they might nationalise the railways. This might make the trains run on time and would definitely cost the taxpayer less money – and we can’t have that. They’re also threatening to properly fund local authorities, the NHS and social care and not fund their mates or their wives share portfolios. These are not British values, so it’s time for the Met Police to do what they do best – well, 4th best, after committing rapes, failing to investigate those rapes and being institutionally racist.’
Labour intern Shelley Stevenson said ‘They’ve nothing to worry about. Literally. We’re not going to do anything. Not even wave placards.’