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Writer's pictureDoctor Chutney

Man terrified of dying doing something he hates


John Knotley is of a certain age where funerals among his peers are arising more often than weddings. For at least two friends the overriding sentiment has been ‘at least they died doing what they loved’, where one was killed in a rock climbing fall, and another dropped dead on the golf course.


John Is determined to avoid a terminal interruption to his existence while he is engaged in an activity he loathes. 'Although I wouldn’t be around to hear it, how awful for friends and relatives to be saying, ‘Oh what a shame he couldn’t have been in his favourite armchair watching The Repair Shop.’ Instead, I’ve keeled over pulling sodding weeds from that sodding garden.'


John has taken some measures to alleviate the possibility of such a disaster occurring, including installing a defibrillator on the outside of the garden shed. He also has a very long extending lead when out walking the dog. 'My daughter’s. She lives in a flat now, so I’m lumbered with walking the thing. So I do a few yards and leave the mutt to do the rest. Bloody tragedy if I popped my clogs doing that.'


When asked what his ultimate demise might be, John told us, 'Unlikely, but if those tributes could sound something like, ‘At least John died doing what he loved, although it must have been a terrible shock for Taylor Swift.’ '


Picture credit: Wix AI

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