Ted Hastings told 'sucking diesel' no longer affordable
Line Of Duty's Superintendent Ted Hastings has been ordered by senior BBC executives to stop his practice of sucking diesel, as fuel prices continue to hit record levels.
The go-to practice of Hastings, thought to involve a long piece of tubing attached to a car's fuel tank and used to demonstrate good progress in a tough AC-12 investigation, is to be outlawed with immediate effect, until oil prices begin to drop again.
'Jesus, Mary and Joseph and the wee donkey, this is a bloody nightmare, fella, let me tell you,' reported a flustered Hastings today. 'I mean what the hell do you expect me to do when things are going well? You'll be telling my granny to suck some eggs instead of diesel, I expect, will you, Sonny Jim?
'Maybe we can suck on some of that lovely water coming up the Lagan in the interim, eh? Well, let's get on with it before I throw that there bloody book at you, followed quickly by the bookcase.'
It is also thought that Hastings will not be permitted to 'cook on gas' either, as wholesale gas prices also continue to rise.
'Unfortunately, we do need to control costs,' said a senior BBC executive. 'Ted's sucking diesel budget in series 6 of Line of Duty alone ran into the millions, and to be honest, it isn't good for his long-term vocal or gastric health.
'Don't worry, we've given him some more economical alternatives, so in series 7 viewers can look forward to Ted Hastings shouting excitedly that he's 'ingesting Hydrotreated Vegetable Oil' and that 'we're chugging on Biogas LNG'.
Image credit: ChatGPT
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