"Trump's still has two more years in here," says ruined china shop owner
"It's been 20 months since that mad sod of a bull came back in here," lamented the owner of White House Fine Ceramics to reporters from amidst the piles of broken porcelain strewn across his shop floor, "and it's been doing a demolition job on the place ever since.
"The first thing the monster laid its hate-filled eyes on was a finely-crafted piece called 'Free Trade', and it instantly started destroying it with a series of wild and reckless tariff charges.
"Then it spied an incredibly fragile item called "the Middle East", which was always teetering on the brink, and set about ruining it beyond repair with its cackling little helper Benjamin 'Golem' Netanyahu.
"A couple of amateur toreadors tried to pop a cap in the Trumpotaur's hideous orange hide but it seems to have a demonic ability to dodge bullets, spears, tax demands, impeachments or anything else hurled its way.
We still have 28 months of this bonehead china-wrecker rampaging around here," said the store owner, looking for safe place to hide a priceless objet d'art called "World Peace".
"The best we can hope for is that it will eventually get bored and wander off to mate with its favourite heifers, Stormy Daniels and Gianni Infantino."
At press time, the White House was reporting it had gone morally bankrupt.
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