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Murder fears hit Scandinavian tourist industry

nobody mentioned anythiing bleak in the brochureFewer people are making leisure trips to Scandinavia, for fear of being hideously murdered or being overcome with the desire to kill another, according to tourism analysts.

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Visitors still trapped in MC Escher exhibition

visitors can't quite put it into perspectiveEmergency services have been called to Tate Modern after a number of visitors were unable to escape from a retrospective of the artist MC Escher.

‘I have been up and down these stairs for three days now,’ complained one man, ‘but I always seem to end up where I began.’

Another visitor is believed to be lost within an infinite loop of hyperbolic tessellations, while a family of three is currently being held hostage by a pair of self-drawing hands.

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New Kate Bush tour forces all other female singers into early retirement

Kate bush is back!How can anyone compete with that?…
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BBC Four to target BBC Three viewers with ‘cool image’

Exactly like Gavin and StaceyBBC Four has announced plans to adopt a ‘fresher and cooler approach’ to its current offerings.

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Rapper claims credit for Shakespeare’s plays by humming over the words

Alas, poor Yo!Theatre critics are in uproar today after it emerged that an American rapper has been credited with co-authoring Shakespeare’s plays.

‘It’s an art form, what I do’, he told reporters. ‘For years I’ve been talking over other people’s songs, and getting half the royalties. One day my manager asked me if I could hum. I was like, ‘yeah, man, who can’t hum?’ And then he got me humming over the top of Shakespeare’s, like, plays. Now they’re half mine – I’m part of the creative team, cos of what I done. Awesome’.

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