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Back to the Future prequel ‘to be made retrospectively’

25 years after the hit movie, Back to the Future, scientists at Cerne have discovered time travellers from the real future have already made a prequel to the film, which was secretly released ten years before the 1989 original, but vanished, due to its own illogicality.

Experimental physicist Professor Mike Smythe commented: ‘Back to the Future – 0’ directed by the yet to be born Phyllis Smithers, features some amazing predictions, many of which have or will come true

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Channel 4 announces neverending cycle of Gogglebox spinoffs

Channel 4 has announced that it has finally come up with a format to rival the success of Gogglebox, the documentary-style reality show it created in 2013 that allows viewers to watch various families as they watch TV.

“We toyed with various ideas,” said a Channel 4 executive, “including Celebrity Gogglebox. Though obviously, we don’t mean actual celebrities – just people who’ve been in an earlier series of Gogglebox. That counts, right?

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Robert Peston to pioneer casual Fridays at ITV

The BBC’s economics editor is to leave his lucrative position as ‘man who pretends to know stuff after it has happened’ and to take-over the role of ITV’s dress-down expert.  Known for his tenuous relationship with formal attire, Mr. Peston is expected to introduce a range of clothing items to news reporting; including flip-flops, rompers and the ‘banana hammock’.

Critics of Mr. Preston’s dress sense have raised concerns that his appointment may lead to a deluge of topless ITV journalists.

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Cameron urged not to push red button ‘before bake off final’

Presidents Obama and Putin have both phoned David Cameron pleading with him to show restraint during a period of worsening international relations and ‘bugger-all’ to watch on TV. However a spokesman for the Prime Minister was in bullish mood, threatening: ‘To wipe Paul Hollywoods’ smug smile off the face of the planet, with two tonnes of weapon grade plutonium and re-runs of Dad’s Army.’

Not wishing to be seen as a weak with regards threats to national security and BBC programming, Mr. Cameron is fully prepared to use Trident at the merest hint of a Mel & Sue double entendre.

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Stars mourn actor who made ‘policeman lifting crime scene tape’ role his own

Stars of film and television have been paying tribute to actor Roy Beck who has died at the age of 72. Throughout a glittering career which spanned nearly five decades Beck starred in over forty films and numerous television series, always playing the role of the police officer who lifts the crime scene tape to allow access to the investigating detective.

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