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‘I just hate old people’ admits British Gas MD

countering medical advances for the elderly, for the good of societyThe Managing Director of British Gas, Ian Peters, has today confirmed plans to ‘remove’ a record number of adorable grandparents in the lead-up to Christmas. His vision is that the plans will rid his home town and beyond of the aged, which he believes will make roads ‘less hazardous’, ‘shorten the queues’ in his local Post Office, and remove the ‘annoying obligation’ he has to visit his mother on Christmas Day.

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Market research company slammed for poorly executed ‘green eggs & ham’ focus group

sounds disgustingA market research interview to ascertain attitudes to the deli-counter staple ‘green eggs and ham’ was today condemned by its sole participant.

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Amazon alienates customers as ‘…recommends’ function becomes honest

and you're done.Customers were left confused and upset this week after Amazon.com’s famous ‘Amazon recommends…’ function was adjusted by the site’s designers to be more frank with their consumers.

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Boeing Dreamliner reaches destination without incident

passengers suing for lack of things to talk about at dinner partiesA Boeing 787 Dreamliner operated by Japanese Airlines today reached its destination with all parts of the cutting edge jetliner still on the plane, and with no bits on fire.

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Utility boss threatens ‘eternal darkness’ if energy prices frozen

historical data shows hell still warming nicelyCentrica has warned that there is likely to be a period of ‘eternal darkness’, if Labour’s newly announced plans to freeze the cost of fuel go ahead.

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