Industry experts predict a sharp increase in the number of mobile phone users choosing voice calls over text messages for fear of being branded a horrible racist following Apple’s unveiling of a new line of ethnically diverse emoji.
Having revealed that their current range of smart products will ‘listen’ to and gather personal information, the South Korean multinational was forced to concede that their self-aware TVs were now ‘silently judging’ their owners and malfunctioning accordingly.
Heterosexual couples who light up after sex will face hefty fines under a proposed new law to protect unborn children. The latest scientific research has indicated that after orgasm, smoking can impede sperm-rich semen in its journey towards the cervix, slowing it down by an average of 1.2 miles per hour.
Charles Darwin’s theory of evolution by natural selection was given even more credence this week, after several Tesco shoppers were hospitalised after ingesting daffodil bulbs they assumed were onions.