Leaders around the world have resolutely condemned the annexation of Manchester United football club by Liverpool FC despite a hastily held referendum showing 95.5% support among the Man U fans for secession to its more powerful neighbour.
Spectators and judges have hailed a vintage field of competitors in the World Kamikaze Pedestrian Championships held this weekend in Oxford Street. This pavement classic ranks alongside the Paris Marche de Imbecilite and the New York Jostle n’ Sneer, regularly attracting some of the world’s dumbest and most suicidally inclined pedestrians in breathtaking displays of hazardous and massively inconsiderate streetcraft.
The worrying prospect of Britain returning to a status of national tennis shame has topped a list of concerns in the results of an online poll issued to England, Wales and Northern Ireland today, further fuelling the debate surrounding Scottish independence.
There was delight around the world as Russia put on an impressive affirmation of its commitment to the rights of individuals and the promotion of homosexuality. The festival was launched with a glittering show featuring galloping white horses, flying Cossacks and shirtless bodybuilders performing ironmongery.
Legendary ex-England footballer, turned-pundit, Alan Shearer, could face retrospective action if found guilty of a career’s use of the so-called ‘inverse-quenelle’ salute as his celebration for scoring.