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Schrödinger goal-line technology ‘causing more problems than it solves’

Heisenberg corporation 'gave up'The use of pioneering new quantum goal-line technology developed by the Schrödinger Research Institute in Berlin, which was intended to be the most accurate ever, has resulted in a near infinite level of confusion in the German amateur league where it is being trialled.

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World leaders express concern as Liverpool annex Man Utd

it's for the best in the long runLeaders around the world have resolutely condemned the annexation of Manchester United football club by Liverpool FC despite a hastily held referendum showing 95.5% support among the Man U fans for secession to its more powerful neighbour.

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World’s worst pedestrians gather in Oxford Street for 2014 World Championships

years of training and sacrifice, but mostly sacrificeSpectators and judges have hailed a vintage field of competitors in the World Kamikaze Pedestrian Championships held this weekend in Oxford Street. This pavement classic ranks alongside the Paris Marche de Imbecilite and the New York Jostle n’ Sneer, regularly attracting some of the world’s dumbest and most suicidally inclined pedestrians in breathtaking displays of hazardous and massively inconsiderate streetcraft.

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Referendum forces Britain to face prospect of being sh*t at tennis again

Sue Barker and Andrew Castle not ruling out a return to competitionThe worrying prospect of Britain returning to a status of national tennis shame has topped a list of concerns in the results of an online poll issued to England, Wales and Northern Ireland today, further fuelling the debate surrounding Scottish independence.

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Russian Gay Festival marred by outbreak of winter sports

the audience couldn't wait to get home and give it a goThere was delight around the world as Russia put on an impressive affirmation of its commitment to the rights of individuals and the promotion of homosexuality. The festival was launched with a glittering show featuring galloping white horses, flying Cossacks and shirtless bodybuilders performing ironmongery.

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