The tournament is taking place in a number of arenas across the former Persian state, as teams from across the Arab world battle it out for the region’s ultimate trophy. After a dazzling opening ceremony featuring gunfire, parades of military hardware and a show of phosphorous lighting up the night sky, the teams marched in waving flags and singing patriotic songs before the world’s news media.
England manager and singing coach Roy Hodgson has told a press conference that his side ‘can’t wait’ to get out onto the pitch and ‘sing their little hearts out’ before their opening World Cup match on Saturday.
‘We’re very excited about this young group’ he said. ‘We’ve got some great talent coming through. We sang well in all of our qualifying matches, and there’s no-one in the tournament we fear will outsing us in a head-to-head national anthem, especially the ones with no words.’
With what is being seen as a vain attempt to garner support for his derogatory references to ‘female irrationality’, the Premier League’s chief executive has promised to prove his gender’s superiority through a series of ‘herculean tasks’. The beleaguered football boss is said to have thrown down the gauntlet to all women to try and beat him at ‘spitting’, ‘trapping spiders’ and ‘weeing standing up.’
The biggest, fastest and most costly carousel in the world has been ordered by a group of ambitious football club owners in time for next season. Set in an unfairground just outside the Promised Land, the new ride will entertain some of the richest football managers from around the world between terminated but lucrative contracts. The owners have high hopes that their merry-go-round will become, and remain for several years to come, a premier attraction.