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The Trump Truth Book of Wars I Totally Would Have Won
At Custer's Last Stand, General Custer was totally surrounded. Surrounded like you'd never believe. He still could have won if he had been me - a very stable military genius. But he was a total loser and a libtard traitor for being defeated by the Sioux and he deserved to die.
Personally, I would have Sioux-ed them for all they were worth.

Jeremynh
Apr 7


Queen Elizabeth II shocked to find anybody in family has a brain
Celebrity quiz champion and The Chase star Anne Hegerty is said to be shocked after discovering she is a distant relative of Queen Elizabeth II. However, the Queen was even more startled than Hegerty to discover that someone connected to the Royal family could have a brain. Hegerty came across the unlikely Royal connection during preliminary investigations by researchers for ITV's "DNA Journey.' The quiz genius found out she is the 19th cousin of Queen Elizabeth II. It had p

Gerontius
Apr 6


Downed US Plane Wins Turner Prize.
Winner: APepper Runners-Up: "Car boot sale curated by Tate gallery." (SirLupus); "New Ryanair-IKEA partnership requires passengers to assemble plane before take-off." (Sydalg).

Kit Caboodle
Apr 6


Walter Reed hospital asked to step up
With injured US servicemen and women on the uptick Walter Reed has had to increase its workload, but the focus on the hospital is currently centred on just one patient. 'We can confirm the President is in attendance for his weekly annual check-up, and his fortnightly one-off colouring test,' said a spokesman for Walter Reed today. 'Nothing to be concerned about, we carry out these routine checks routinely on some Presidents. This President specifically, but we had contingen

Throngsman
Apr 6

mcdabble
Apr 6


High street banks to replace glitchy apps with 'Psychic Spending' to save customers hassle
Following the total disappearance of physical branches and the ongoing 'unexpected downtime' of mobile apps, the banking sector has announced its most innovative transition yet: Pre-Cognitive Wealth Management.

scottfutile
Apr 6


Long running Bondi character killed off
Capitol Hill Studios shocked the world today by killing off its world famous Bondi character.
eppursimuove
Apr 6


Unemployed Arkansan surprised to find himself appointed Attorney General
Unemployed Arkansas man Dave Goober was surprised to see on Fox News that he’d been appointed Attorney General of the United States. ”Ah thought they must mean some other guy,” Goober told reporters, “until the motorcade turned up outside mah trailer.” A White House statement described Goober as “a great guy with strong experience, known for his attention to detail”, though Goober admitted he wasn’t sure why he’d been fired from the chicken shop where he used to work. It also
eppursimuove
Apr 5


Mongers of the world after another thing to monger
The worryingly titled Monger Union believe cheese and iron are respected food and metal items, however they they wish to expand into other fields. A representative said, “If a whole species like fish can be mongered, what about just adding another living thing, maybe ducks?” There is a danger is specialising in just in old timey metalwork and specific dairy products, and they are after something more cutting edge like Artificial Intelligence, Cryptocurrency or the abstract co
BillClay
Apr 5
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