Winner: Deskpilot Runners-Up: "The apeman proded cautiously at the mysterious oblong monolith, then, with sudden profound sense of his own destiny, attempted to take a selfie." (AdrianBamforth); "They all thought paying Farage to do his hilarious Naked Kermit impression was £19 well.spent." (TonyMc)

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A man has undergone a two-hour operation to have his wife’s birthday present removed from his colon. 42-year-old Tom Titt from Twatt told...

The worlds of international football and random selection of activity prize-giving have collided and been shaken up with the news that the Nobel Committee and FIFA are going to swap roles from now on. The Nobel Committee are taking over international football tournaments, starting with the 2026 men's World Cup, but soon to include regional competitions like the European Championships, African Cup of Nations and the Copa America. Nobel has denied that they will grant Norway a

Reformed meat, the worst kind of meat, has similarities with Reform Policies, the worst kind of policies. How Mechanically Recovered Meat is made Meat is separated from flesh-bearing bones or poultry carcasses through a high-pressure mechanical process The meat is pushed through a sieve, or similar device, to separate it from the bones This process modifies or destroys the original muscle fibre structure, resulting in a paste-like consistency The final product can be used to

US Defence Secretary Pete Hegseth is facing universal criticism for the appalling English used in his book, ‘The War On Warriors’. If Chapter 10 had been entitled ‘More lethality, fewer lawyers’, he may have been excused for ordering the killing of survivors of a missile attack on their boat. But it’s called ‘More lethality, less lawyers’ which clearly indicates what a dreadful human being he is. Not many people knew of Hegseth’s book before his department started ignoring Ru

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Women are reacting to the latest survey that says they are getting angrier, with anger levels at a ten year high. 'If anyone suggests...

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The government has a new tactic in its war on illegal immigrants. Funding the French police has proved ineffective. Advertising posters saying 'Britain is Closed. And a bit rubbish.' didn't work. The one-in-one-out policy is only working in a roundabout way. So the government is very pleased with its latest wheeze. 'I don't know why we didn't think of it before,' said the under-Minister for Ejecting Illegals. 'We order a pizza on one of those new-fangled delivery apps. We hav

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In a Sophie's Choice between one beloved child and Kevin from Home Alone, the British public have to pick between 1000 years of unbroken civil rights or making Tony Blair filthy rich. Said one voter: "It's a tough one. Lose a corner stone of justice or make it easier to shop at Primark." Removing jury trials would save an astronomical £31 million, whereas ID's only cost a mere £600million a year - that's fantastic news, as it gives us a saving of minus £569 million. "Yes, we

the Metropolitan Police investigates the extent of drug abuse in the House of Commons, the government has responded by asking Michael...