Aries You will meet someone tomorrow that will change your life in a profound way. Or you could just pay that tax and everything will be back to normal. Taurus Unfortunately, the cat got at your charts so the reading has somewhat slewed. Watch out for hairballs, the wrong kind of litter and the smell of tuna. Keep working on that purr, and avoid mice at all times, no matter how tasty they may look. Gemini Using a fairground as a metaphor, your life, so far, Has been all swing

A single woman in her 20s has shocked family, friends and work colleagues alike by admitting she doesn't like Ru Paul's Drag Race. Simone...

Disbelief across the globe today as Donald Trump announced plans to have the iconic Statue Of Liberty demolished and replaced by a 500 foot towering effigy of himself in its place. Speaking in the Oval Office to a claque of handpicked brown-nosing sycophants masquerading as news reporters, Trump broke off from a phone call with Ukraine's President Zelensky to explain. 'Yeah, park the missiles schtick for a few minutes, Vlod, will you? I got a more pressing matter here.' 'Righ

Well Deskpilot has done it again with a very creditable 42. SimonJJames has given Desky a good run for his money, but just fell shy. All the links, the one-liners and the cartoon of the month below as usual Front Page, News in Brief and Features apepper Chancellor astonishes country after saying Brexit has harmed economy billclay Army relieved that Andrew is no longer Duke of York Betfred holds 7,500 hostages over tax freedom demands EA Games bought by Saudi Investment Grou

Reports emerging today suggest sales of the President Donald J  Trump 2026 Calendar are 'sluggish', seemingly, with many dyed-in-the-wool MAGA cult members unwilling to make a date with it. Cletus Abernathy from Bona Venture Arkansas, who describes himself as a part-time, moronic and clueless village idiot, is one such devotee unwilling to part with the cool $2500 asking price. Speaking to Fox News he said: 'Mary Lou, my good lady, done told me she wanted a copy but I refused

Border Force officials are pleased to see the back of an asylum seeker finally deported to Ethiopia today. The press are reporting that the man was paid £500 so that he wouldn't make a fuss. Insiders say that he got a lot more than £500. Our source said, 'That man was an ace negotiator. He was relentless. He asked for, and received, all kinds of amazing stuff. 'He got a signed photograph of Sir Mark Rowley, head of the Met Police, so that he could show his family who had lost

Inexpensive battery powered clocks all across the land are being startled this morning by being hastily pulled down from their usual...

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Nothing could hide the government's embarrassment, when they discovered they had less houses then when they started. The Minister explained. "Once we'd factored in all the repossessions and accidently demolishing a few, it turns out were missing around 100,000 – it's possible they might have ended up as landfill. "Coupled with the PM's houses being set on fire by Ukrainian male escorts – all whom Sir Keir has no knowledge of whatsoever, I cannot emphasize that enough. Once th

Hat tip to iansearle

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Leader of Reform UK, Nigel Farage, today attempted to double down on Reform MP Sarah Pochin's comments where she complained about adverts being 'full' of black and Asian people. "Well, I think she's right", he told reporters, "and it's plain to see that in every advert on British telly, these days. And if that is the case, where are the good old fashioned British racists in these adverts. If we have a mixed heritage family sharing a Domino's pizza in the park, I want to see a

TV executives are excited about a planned reboot of the iconic prison-based sitcom Porridge. They say that the format is even more relevant in 2025 and can include themes of spending cuts, early prisoner releases, and administrative incompetence.   There is no news on casting, but we have obtained a first draft of the opening monologue: ‘Norman Stanley Kebatu, you have pleaded guilty to the charges brought by this court, and it is now my duty to pass sentence. You are an habi

'And as the conflict in Israel and Gaza enters its fourth week, we now bring you pictures of the carnage caused by an Israeli airstrike....