A&E departments across England are struggling to deal with the unprecedented numbers of reporters and news crews that have descended upon them in the last few days. Cameramen have reported being kept waiting in corridors for up to eight hours, and more than twenty hospitals have admitted missing their target of enabling broadcasts to be transmitted from their emergency rooms every four hours.
Cancer charities are celebrating today after the breakthrough discovery at the Johns Hopkins University School of Medicine that the majority of cancers are attributed to bad luck rather than environmental or genetic factors. Professor Naills Joffrey, 42 (age and BMI), gestured with a cheeseburger while describing the findings.
As yet there is no known cure for Ebola but the doctor in charge of the case has said he is yet to find anything that is able to survive a dose of NHS macaroni cheese and a follow up course of lukewarm apple pie and custard-like liquid.
A man is fighting for his life today after going ‘cold turkey’ following a Christmas eating binge. Dick Scales, 36, a much loved member of sleepy local seaside town Ringhersham remains in a ‘Stable, but critical condition’ following a sudden withdrawal of festive foodstuffs.