‘It turns out that ‘Paul from Glasgow’ does exist and really did lose the weight, but when we found him in a bedsit he was sitting in his own filth, injecting heroin between his toes and hadn’t eaten for three days.’
Campaigners have today called for the offspring of sperm donors to be given the legal right to learn the identity of the person their biological father was mentally getting jiggy with when he donated his DNA.
The infamous George Osborne (Georgeus Gideoliver Osbornosus) bacterium has failed to be controlled yet again, for more than its third time in office. ‘We know the filthy germ thrives in places with a lot of money,’ an NHS spokesman stated in an exclusive interview. ‘Lucky for us, we don’t have any’.
The latest report on the performance of the NHS has found a familiar but depressing picture of Accident and Emergency rooms full of people who have waited up to three hours to launch an unprovoked physical attack on a medical orderly or nurse.