The latest anti-smoking campaign has seen the message that smoking causes genetic mutations being misinterpreted by science fiction fans who have long fantasised about suddenly developing superpowers.
‘Collective amnesia? Never heard of it. What does it actually mean?’ was the response from a spokesperson from Surrey Police on their members’ inability to remember high profile offences. It’s a rare condition, whose medical name is Amnesia Constabularia, and for which there is no cure.
Figures released today reveal that 15,436 UK smokers froze to death during the month of March. Many of them perished in broad daylight outside High Street coffee shops whilst sitting down quietly, giving off bad smells and obscuring the visibility of passers-by and other customers as they came and went, but otherwise minding their own business.
‘It turns out that ‘Paul from Glasgow’ does exist and really did lose the weight, but when we found him in a bedsit he was sitting in his own filth, injecting heroin between his toes and hadn’t eaten for three days.’