People with amateur teeth have been banned from buying or using Oral B Pro-Expert toothpaste under new dental healthcare guidelines. Similarly, only those who use their teeth professionally and have a licence to prove it will be able to obtain Colgate sensitive Pro-relief over the counter. And ‘Pro’-rated toothbrushes, both electric and manual, will also now only be available to those who can smile suitably whitely at newly installed till-top electronic teeth recognition scanners.
Under new plans unveiled by the government, citizens are now being allowed to set up their own GP surgeries and hospitals without having to worry about the levels of bureaucracy which currently force them to use qualified staff.
In a bold move, the Conservative leader has pledged to keep all under-25s in education, meaning a bumper crop of GPs, and the occasional frighteningly large kid who never quite made it out of primary school.
Welsh farmers are quietly ditching traditional farming in favour of new, more profitable uses of the countryside, after a historic decision by the Welsh Assembly to legalise the trade in human organs.
The soundtrack in the fields on Monmouthshire, Powys and beyond is already changing from the bleating of sheep who’ve mislaid their lambs, or forgotten where their food is until they look down, into cries of plaintive anguish from ramblers who are being systematically rounded up on Welsh hillsides, crammmed into pens and fattened for market.