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Christmas perfume advert successfully deciphered

just buy it anywayThe meaning behind a pre-Christmas perfume advertisement has been successfully decoded for the first time in television history, it has been revealed.

An expert team of academics, working with some of Britain’s top code breakers and cryptanalysts, spent the last seven years studying and dissecting a pre-production commercial for this season’s must-have scent: ‘Labrynthé’ by Dior.

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Customers who know the phonetic alphabet ‘not impressive, so please stop it’, say call centres

Secretly wishing boss would stick this job up his Alpha Romeo Sierra EchidnaCall centres across the UK have unanimously decided today that they are ‘not at all impressed’ by customers who are ‘smugly fluent’ in the phonetic alphabet.

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Market research company slammed for poorly executed ‘green eggs & ham’ focus group

sounds disgustingA market research interview to ascertain attitudes to the deli-counter staple ‘green eggs and ham’ was today condemned by its sole participant.

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Cosmic Ordering Service goes into liquidation

No deal.In a shock announcement, the largest wish-list provider in the cosmos has been declared bankrupt, leaving many millions of customers unlikely to ever receive their orders.

‘This is the largest retail collapse in the entire history of the Universe,’ said BBC Business Editor Robert Peston, ‘and nobody saw it coming.’

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Middle-aged man still thinks about argument he lost eight years ago

if only the argument had lasted 8 years, with a year between ripostesJulian Wordsworth, a middle aged man currently residing in Surrey, has recently admitted to friends that he has become ‘consumed’ by the process of going over arguments he had a long time ago in his head, often obsessively imagining clever and pithy retorts he should have said at the time.

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