After Election night when the country awoke to realise that, in their midst, many may have been living a lie but had finally found a pride in who they really are, Tory voters have been welcomed into the folds of the LBGT community like ‘one of their own’.
A trendy London hotel has won a prestigious award for the innovative design of its very pretty but utterly useless bathrooms. Described by judges as ‘a superb combination of good looks and frustrating lack of usefulness’, the Eighty Four Hotel in fashionable Bethnal Green has been awarded The Kelly Brook Prize for Beauty Without Function.
‘We are very proud to receive this recognition of our efforts to make our hotel look impressive on-line’ said the hotel proprietor, Mr Theo Whitehall. ‘Even if it is at the expense of our guests’ comfort and convenience.’
A middle-aged man, who until yesterday had taken every aspect of modern-day customer service with a bulldozer of salt, has admitted he was wrong after finding eternal friendship with an over-friendly chain restaurant waiter.
During a rare evening meal out with his wife at Pasta Pasta in Dorking, Surrey, 42-year-old Ed Geller abandoned his trademark cynicism and instead engaged 22-year-old Marek from Slovakia in the inane, awkward chit chat his boss’s bosses force him to make with customers. ‘I don’t know what came over me,’ said Geller, who normally has to suppress the urge to deck staff who squeeze enquiries about his health and immediate plans into the morning black Americano routine.
‘It’s true, we’ve had a bit of support for our Jihad weekend breaks,’ said a Club 18 – 30 spokesman, ‘but to be honest, the reps aren’t happy. The hotels tend to be in a state of disrepair, even before the hen parties trash them, and providing Brits on tour with sidearms is just asking for trouble.’
Initially angered that new husband Sean had not even updated his Facebook status to ‘In a relationship’, she had previously vowed to upload a new wedding photo seven days a week to remind everyone what a lucky bastard he is.