Taking inspiration from the Rodgers and Hammerstein musical, the outgoing FIFA president has fled over the Swiss mountains dressed as a Bavarian singing troupe. Resplendent in pigtails and lederhosen, Mr Blatter has escaped an oppressive fascist regime in search of eight-part harmonies and no extradition treaty.
Blatter Special Meal
A special beef pattie is smothered (along with all dissenting voices) by glutenous aged swiss cheese.
In a surprise turn of events, the world’s football governing body has revealed that the Cosa Nostra has been chosen to host the 2016 corruption probe – by a unanimous ballot of ‘people with a Swiss bank account’. Despite what had been seen as a strong bid by the FBI, when the votes were counted, it transpired that everyone including the FBI had voted for the Mafia and signed their slip ‘love from – Sepp’.
Oxford clinched the title and Cambridge were relegated In a nail-biting final day of the new Sky Boat Race Premier League.
As the new Sky Premier League of Boat Racing coxed off yesterday afternoon, hopes were high for Cambridge. With a mixture of youth and experience, many pundits said they would be ‘there or thereabouts’ come the end of the season. But at the end of an exhausting campaign, a very different picture emerged. Cambridge were at rock bottom, with a record nobody wants – the least number of points for any side since the Sky Boat Race Premier League began.