Wayne Rooney has provided a timely reminder to fellow Manchester United players of his value to the team, following his appearance on the subs bench last weekend and ongoing speculation that he is out of favour with new manager Jose Mourinho. [read...]
Megan King, a 27-year-old call centre manager with muscular dystrophy, has announced she’s had enough of hearing about the wonderful example set by the world’s Paralympians, and is sick being made to feel guilty that she herself is not providing a magnificent example of bravery in the face of personal adversity: “Did you see them?’ [read...]
Sir Bradley Wiggins will set monetary policy and assume responsibility for managing and protecting Great Britain’s reserves of gold, it was announced today. The move comes after the cyclist’s medal success at Rio 2016, which has meant that his stocks of gold now exceed those of the Bank of England. [read...]
British swimmer Ben Green from Leicester has won Bronze in the men’s 50 metre freestyle despite not having to overcome huge adversity to achieve his dream of winning an Olympic medal.
Speaking at a press conference the 21-year-old left reporters dumbfounded when he announced that both of his parents were in the rudest of health and that he himself had never once been at death’s door as a child. [read...]
Reports of chaotic scenes at the Olympic Games have emerged after a working class man breached security and entered the Equestrian Centre undetected. Eye-witness accounts say the man was dressed in an England football strip and Bermuda shorts and shouted ‘God ‘elp us’ before asking where the bar was. [read...]