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Defence cuts blamed for French victory at re-enactment of Waterloo

'Not tonight, Tommy Atkins' said defence secretary, Michael FallonFrance has triumphed over Great Britain in a huge re-enactment of the Battle of Waterloo which took place in the same Belgian fields where Napoleon’s army was defeated, 200 years ago.

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Burmese migrant found in Lidl tuna

they're everywhere!A Derbyshire family were dismayed to discover an equally dismayed Burmese migrant inside a multi-pack of Malaccan-dredged tuna which they had just bought from a newly opened Lidl discount superstore.

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BBC suspend badger after attack on Springwatch producer over catering

now in talks with NetFlixBadger, who is appearing in the current series of Springwatch, is understood to have become abusive toward the unnamed producer when he was told that there were no rabbits or small rodents laid on at the end of the day’s filming.

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Police apologise for referring to tattoos as ‘distinctive’

could be anyone...A police spokesman has issued a public apology today for recent reports suggesting that certain suspects had ‘distinctive tattoos’. ‘For example, we recently stated that a suspect wanted in connection with a triple murder had a distinctive spider’s web tattoo on his neck. ‘It has been confirmed that this narrowed the list of suspects in the UK to around 500,000 people, predominantly male, many below the age of thirty-six and with an IQ of 90 or less.

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Puppets speak out about abuse at the hands of ‘cruel ventriloquist’

'he seemed so normal on the outside...'Dozens of the nation’s puppets have today spoken about their years of suffering in the hands of ventriloquist Keith Harris, in the wake of his death this week.

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