UK-Biscuit
A man from Reading who wiped his bum with the Daily Mail claims he has caught xenophobia as a result. Dave Phelps says he contracted the debilitating condition after wiping his arse on squares cut from the ‘newspaper’, [read...]
It’s understood the nation’s new self-styled defender of the moral high ground, blowhard Piers Morgan, has been fitted for a figure-hugging superhero costume to be worn when he is combating forces of evil as his new alter ego, [read...]
In a statement issued to the world’s media and a handful of people hanging around wearing Union Jack waistcoats and waving flags, a spokesman for The Queen has confirmed that both Prince Andrew and Prince Edward are, [read...]
Medical professionals have applauded MP Mark Field’s valiant man-handling of a Greenpeace protestor, using his best Sith-Lord throat-massage. The Foreign Office minister’s life-saving procedure, involved smashing the young woman against a pillar and bruising her shoulders and arms – or an act of ‘rumpy pumpy’ as Boris Johnson calls it. [read...]
‘I’m sure they’ll answer soon, as I guess the robot was right and they really are very very very busy indeed. But it’s alright as this music is brilliant.’ [read...]
