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Mike and Bernie Winters Wonderland closes after one day

There's no business like Snorbitzness...The barriers have come down on the much hyped Mike and Bernie Winters Wonderland following a rash of complaints from disgruntled visitors.

Angry customers harangued the park’s beleaguered management to complain about poor quality jokes, lacklustre song and dance routines and groups of St Bernard’s standing around swearing loudly and smoking behind their kennels.

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Thousands turn out in Birmingham to see Noam Chomsky switch on Christmas lights

That's what makes him beautiful...Thousands of revellers have turned out in Birmingham city centre to celebrate the switching on of the Christmas lights by anarcho-syndicalist activist Noam Chomsky.

Chomsky, who wooed crowds at a similar event in London earlier this month, delivered a speech on revolutionary industrial unionism to rapturous acclaim before flicking the switch to herald the start of the city’s festive celebrations.

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Disaffected UK extremists ‘may not be allowed to re-join the Conservative Party’

...won't be allowed abroad either, not that they would ever want to leave UKThe Prime Minister today announced a new raft of measures designed to combat the threat of Britons joining the shadowy extremist group UKIP, including removing the right of those individuals to later return to the Conservative Party.

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John Lewis penguin escapes forced marriage hell

never knowingly taken up the aisleA female penguin has hit out against retail giant John Lewis for what is being described as a ‘forced and highly illegal marriage’ between herself and ‘Monty’, co-star of the widely anticipated Christmas commercial released last week. The flightless bird, who hit headlines for her brief appearance in the advert, claims the whole setup was against her will, and that she intends to press charges against the well-known high street chain.

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Poundland Christmas advert features ‘semi-attractive rat’

advert cost £1 to makeDiscount high street chain Poundland have unveiled their 2014 advert for Christmas, featuring an instrumental remix of Christmas songs by some Dutch band, and seasonal visuals of a white rat sniffing around a stack of boxes labelled ‘Great value’ and ‘Super fun’, as well as ‘Cheap rubbish’ and ‘Xmas tat’. Some of the boxes have their ‘This Way Up’ warnings hilariously upside down.

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