Critics have slammed the latest anti-social media craze where Coalition MPs and members of the Opposition egg one another on to visit flood zones and spout provocative bollocks. The event has to be completed and broadcast within 24 hours to qualify.
Fears of bubonic plague were played down today by Secretary of State for Communities and Local Government, Eric Pickles.
‘As long as I’m in control there is no cause for panic.” he said. “I deal with cannibal rats in the House of Commons on a daily basis.’
London commuters begged London transport unions tonight to extend the current 48 hour tube strike indefinitely, citing “an immeasurable improvement to our quality of life and general well-being” since suspension of services began.
The government has been forced to step in to deal with an expected deluge of millions of last-minute online tax returns on 31 January. Troops will be on standby to ensure phone lines are kept open, and GCHQ will temporarily lift surveillance activities to ensure there are no blockages.
Legendary ex-England footballer, turned-pundit, Alan Shearer, could face retrospective action if found guilty of a career’s use of the so-called ‘inverse-quenelle’ salute as his celebration for scoring.